While the past is gone forever, the future is as unknown as mirage in the sky. The present moment is all we have. Treasure what you have and enjoy each day, which is the happiest and the most important of all.

When a person from the PR department learned of my being selected on the Midwest Voices panel, she immediately noticed related PR section, thinking she would do me a huge service by posting my name and picture on the intranet and on our internal circulation. Upon learning this, I told her I preferred not. She realized she did it without my permission and hurriedly took back her request.

Publicity always means extra attention and different interpretations.  It would be naive to assume all will be of kind intention. At least, I have not cultivated a love for too much attention.

Still, for most people, of two pursuits, fame will outlive fortune.

In fact, in our daily life, we are more often guided by our auto-pilot than we realize. Anytime we do something out of sheer habit, without thinking, we are controlled by the auto-pilot.

Sometimes, we can save energy by having auto-pilot take control. But if you want to learn something new or to have new experience, new ideas, or try to think differently, or chart a new path, or break away from a habit, do everything to avoid auto-pilot brain. For, if you are nailed down and controlled by auto-pilot, you will lead a life like a hamster on an exercise wheel, chained, enclosed, restricted, and suffocating.

After giving birth to her twice babies, her life was changed. “So began a new segment in my life, one defined by formula, diapers, rattles, burps, teething, hugs, frequent weight checks, visits to the doctor, and shrieking, splashing baths. I was so proud of my beautiful and good daughters; I was also growing frustrated because I wanted to make full use of my education.” p. 52

“Twice in two years, I have had to leave good jobs with good futures to follow my husband’s path. And that was even before I had children. Now, even to get a job, I would have to find and hire a dependent nurse and pay her perhaps more than I could make myself. Perhaps I am being overly pessimistic. Perhaps I could go out tomorrow and get a job as a typist. The next question is, why bother? Do I want a job merely to have a job, or do Iwant to work in order to be doing something worthwhile?”

“I must admit though that I feel somewhat like a pioneer. I am not satisfied to sit back for the rest of my life and contemplate in which order to clean the rooms. I want to find a solution and still feel that somehow it must be possible to be a responsible mother, a good wife and have an intellectually satisfying job.” p. 53

While her babies were small, she could not land on a full-time job. When her hope of getting a journalist job was gone, she enrolled in a graduate program at the John Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies — “Even though I participated in these activities, I did so part-time because I had begun graduate work at the Johns Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies. I had given up hope of a career in journalism but I thought I might follow my father’s lead and become a college professor. I was taking the full load of five courses, plus Russian.” p. 54

She later continued her graduate at Columbia University. “In addition to working toward my Ph.D., I decided to try to obtain a certificate from the university’s Russian Institute.” p. 56

All this hard work had prepared her for the role that she later assumed, that is, being the first female Secretary of State of the U.S., taking the path that most women in her generation not even dared to imagine.

(1) Lose weight (how many pounds)
(2) Exercise more (how much more, 3 times per week?)
(3) Drink more water (how many cups?)
(4) Quit smoking
(5) Go to bed earlier (how earlier?)
(6) Pay off credit cards
(7) Phone mom (how frequent)
(8) Remember birthdays (nice thought)

It doesn’t matter who emerges it as the winner. The victory already tastes bitter and the winner has already suffered as the result because of the dirty means through which the victory is won.

The whole battle looks more like dog fights. It makes me wonder if it is worthwhile to go for the fight in the first place. Winner or loser, I doubt the persons going through this process will be judged favorably by history.

I found it was a lot easy to keep on jogging than stopping for a second and then resuming it. Once I stopped, I found it hard to resume it. She said it was called inertia. The strange thing is while I am running, I don’t find it hard to stop. In fact, I always welcome the idea of stopping. It seems inertia works only one-way, that is, you encounter resistance only when you move forward or move from rest to action or from an easy stage to a difficult one.

It seems our natural tendency is to slip into an easy stage whenever possible, just as water flows downward effortlessly. It takes some effort to reverse the inertia or natural downward movement.

For me, I have learned it is better to keep the momentum if you don’t want to encounter inertia and make an extra effort to conquer it. No wonder people say it is better to get all the degrees you want in one breath instead of taking a few years off.

P.S. we went to Nelson Atkins Museum of Art yesterday. It was a delighted experience.

Instead of giving them a chance to push their way around as they always do, as soon as I saw the monitors, I told them our doctor was waiting for them the whole time and now was with the patient. They missed their appointment and would have to make another one. That was final. They made a trip here for nothing! I felt a bit sorry but couldn’t help.

After that, I wrote to the doctor, “The monitors said they were sorry that they were nearly 15 minutes late for the appointment with you. I reinforced to them the importance of keeping their appointment with our doctors. I am sure they have learned their lesson.” To this, the doctor replied, “well done, thanks. you are right, part of scheduling an appt is so I can set aside time for them.”

Between doctors and monitors, I always stand by our doctors. As I have to see them everyday, I need to have a good working relationship with them. Plus, it is not a good practice to please outsiders at the cost of insiders.

I think of thousands of well-provided kids and their lack of achievements. What matters in the end is not material conditions but the will to achieve.

In face of life’s adversities, one could either rise or sink. She has conquered this adversity and provided “an example of perseverance in the face of adversity.” I hope my children will remember this real-life story.

Last Thursday, when I told two of my colleagues that once I forgot my cell phone on Friday and the whole weekend was gone without the phone, both of them said it was horrible as they couldn’t imagine a day without cell phone.

Last Saturday, two friends came over in the afternoon. One of them just bought Sprint’s iphone and was eager to show me the various functions and features of her new phone. From the conversation, I have a sense that this friend of mine was very much addicted to her iphone. She told me I should buy this phone.

I did not tell her that my daughter took my phone with her to Manhattan since the day before and my life went perfectly all right without it. Cell phone became part of our life only a few years ago. It is amazing how quickly people become addicted to it and forget how life used to be without it. One more addiction to guard against.

You would expect me to come up with some quick trick or good tips. Unfortunately, when I think hard of the long path that I have taken, like reaching to the top in any field, there is really no shortcuts except 99% of perspiration.

However, I do realize there are some key ingredients in good writing: reading, writing, and thinking.

(1) Reading. Get in the habit of reading not for pure entertainment. Read to argue with the author and to figure out what is going on in the mind of the author. Are you convinced by his writing? Is he talking nonsense all the time?

(2) Write as often as possible. It doesn’t matter what you write and how good or bad you write. You won’t see any improvement until you practice writing at least twice per week or more often. I remember my father used to ask me to write a piece after each movie or book and I did it even though I resented it.

(3) Good writing comes with certain degree of maturity, mainly in thinking analytically and critically. Eventually, this analytical and critical thinking ability will lead to really good writing.

The first email came from a friend of mine from another clinic, wishing me happy new year and asking me how I would celebrate it. It simply warmed my heart when I heard from a friend whom I have not contacted for a long time. I also felt guilty when I thought how often I fail to remember friends especially during holidays. We had a few email exchanges like old friends, though it has been a long time since our last exchange.

In the evening, two friends called, making the day more like a festival. I let myself indulged in a chatting mood. Later, a friend came over for the same purpose, with some gifts. I was simply speechless, feeling even more unworthy.

Now, I truly feel that no festival is complete without a bunch of friends, who are thinking of you and sending you good wishes, just as a good friend of mine said “Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you know they are always there.”

On 1/15, a local friend called, chatting with me about college major. She said her daughter’s writing was outstanding, thus she wanted her daughter to go into medical field. When I asked her what writing had to do with being a doctor, she herself being a doctor told me a good writing skill was very essential to being a qualified doctor. This is the first time that I learned of this.

On 1/16, Martin Luther King Day, a friend of mine called from out of state about SAT essay. Her child is confident with both math and verbal sections but not with essay. She asked for a sample essay that my children once did.

Now, I am more than ever convinced that one needs to write well no matter what one wants to engage. Writing helps raise you to a new level of consciousness and thus live a life worth living. By the way, I am still trying to figure the relationship between writing and being a doctor. Maybe I am not a doctor because I am not a good writer or something more fallacious than this.

Later that day, on the way to the main library, I asked my daughter if she had the same feeling when she was in New York. “No,” she said because she was with her brother and his girlfriend. She felt more excited than anything else.

I told her it was also because she was young, eager to have new experience and to taste adventures. Also, the younger you are, the more adaptable you are.

The familiar area seems to provide a sense of security or a comfort zone. As people get in age, it must be hard for them to break out of their comfort zone.

I saw a young lady got impatient when there seemed to have a misunderstanding between she and the postal worker. The postal one seemed to answer a question that was not what the lady asked. “Oh, never mind, forget it.” With that, she left, looking more than upset with the postal worker. The postal worker looked hurt and red-faced.

I feel sorry for the postal worker, who actually speaks much better English than I do. I am sure with a little patience she has no problem communicating with her customers. Back home, I shared this part of experience with my daughter, hoping she could be patient when she talks with people with foreign accents.

Yesterday evening, as I prepared her snack, she asked, “Mom, what would you do if I am not here?” Well, she must have seen me busy around her, attending her various needs when she is home and came up with this question.

It gives me a warm feeling that she has noticed this and cared enough to ask. Actually, she knows that I have many plans and many things to do. At least, she knows the house is in serious need of cleaning. Only I seldom have time for these small items and big projects.

Instead of going to her school right after work at 3:30 pm, here’s what I will do today:
(1) take a walk or jogging;
(2) sort through a pile of documents to see how much paper junks that I can get rid of;
(3) get ready 2011 tax filing documents;
(4) dinner, probably not?
(5) read;
(6) if I still have energy left, I might do some cleaning to get the house ready for Spring Festival.

Build your underpinnings, either spiritual or emotional or both that you can always find meaning, peace and comfort.

A friend of mine, who was married, without children and quit her job to join her husband, has found herself unable to get over the sadness over the loss of her mother in March 2009. She came over to visit us in July 2009.

She has since tried many mechanisms to pull herself out of this sadness. Recently she tried some church association. I told her to go for it as long as it helped. Whether or not she will be converted to Christianity is not the issue, at least this can be something that keeps her occupied.

I have no doubt her period of grief would be much shortened, had she had either children or her career or a strong belief. I believe a person needs some type of support system to tide over any crisis on his life’s journey, be it his children, career, church, or whatever that may play that function.

Build your own system before you are in actual dire need of one.

I asked the young man to write a reflection on the whole experience. He asked why. Obviously, he is not sure of the need and the reason for looking back, as he wants to put all this behind him so that he can move ahead with a fresh start.

To be sure, our narrative of our past experiences reveals our understanding of this experience as well as our explanation as why things have gone the way it is. Furthermore, a year or two later, when you look at your own narrative, you will surely have a new version of explanation and fresh understanding.

Other than making an effort not to repeat past mistake, a reflection will enable us to see how we grow and mature over time when we read our own narrative of our past experience. We might enlighten ourselves through our own writing. Specifically, become more mature and responsible — this is what I want to see in him through this reflection. This much I have for him and for my children.

Children’s attitude toward no-school day is a sign of their growing up and become mature. I remember my daughter used to be excited about any no-school days. She even expected a lot of bad weather days so that there would be more no-school days.

To her, it meant no homework, nothing but play. Even after I told her to work on some long-term projects during these no-school days, she still expected no school days somewhat to be relaxing, insisting no-school meant no work. Thank goodness, she has outgrown this attitude, a sign of being mature and responsible.

I used to complain a lot about American kids having too many no-school play days. I still think so. But then, if teachers leave children to the parents, it is up to the parents to make most of these idle days. After all these years of dealing with teachers and schools here, I have come to this conclusion: for your child’s education and his future, you really cannot count on any schools or teachers.