After giving birth to her twice babies, her life was changed. “So began a new segment in my life, one defined by formula, diapers, rattles, burps, teething, hugs, frequent weight checks, visits to the doctor, and shrieking, splashing baths. I was so proud of my beautiful and good daughters; I was also growing frustrated because I wanted to make full use of my education.” p. 52

“Twice in two years, I have had to leave good jobs with good futures to follow my husband’s path. And that was even before I had children. Now, even to get a job, I would have to find and hire a dependent nurse and pay her perhaps more than I could make myself. Perhaps I am being overly pessimistic. Perhaps I could go out tomorrow and get a job as a typist. The next question is, why bother? Do I want a job merely to have a job, or do Iwant to work in order to be doing something worthwhile?”

“I must admit though that I feel somewhat like a pioneer. I am not satisfied to sit back for the rest of my life and contemplate in which order to clean the rooms. I want to find a solution and still feel that somehow it must be possible to be a responsible mother, a good wife and have an intellectually satisfying job.” p. 53

While her babies were small, she could not land on a full-time job. When her hope of getting a journalist job was gone, she enrolled in a graduate program at the John Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies — “Even though I participated in these activities, I did so part-time because I had begun graduate work at the Johns Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies. I had given up hope of a career in journalism but I thought I might follow my father’s lead and become a college professor. I was taking the full load of five courses, plus Russian.” p. 54

She later continued her graduate at Columbia University. “In addition to working toward my Ph.D., I decided to try to obtain a certificate from the university’s Russian Institute.” p. 56

All this hard work had prepared her for the role that she later assumed, that is, being the first female Secretary of State of the U.S., taking the path that most women in her generation not even dared to imagine.

To be sure, I also emphasized reading to my children, not because it is cool though and definitely not read for the sake of reading.

While reading opens a window to the world larger than your physical surrounding, it both entertains and enlightens the readers.

I have told my children to always engage dialogue or argument with the author, or pick one author against another, to learn, to distinguish, to grow, and to become wiser and better… because of reading.

Yesterday, I had a nice long chat with an old classmate of mine back in kindergarden years. She spends most of her time reading non-fictions in Chinese. Books certainly have kept her company and made her a wise and happy person.

While I don’t have as much time as she does, I try to read whenever I can. At office, while people are chatting over the most trivial matters, I turn to my books. I make a point of not wasting my time on small talks.

I know my books always leave me thinking. And I am a happy person as long as my mind is actively engaged. One only needs to remember Francis Bacon’s word on reading.

On another level, it appears like another story in which an innocent girl was ruined by a man, like Tess in Tess of the d’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy. However, my reading of the book reveals a different message. Rather than blaming others, I see Daisy Miller has all the ingredients to qualify her for her early death.

She is dangerously careless and heedless, always acting on impulse, and most unwisely rebellious and impudent. On top of it all, she does not have the mental capacity to distinguish between the real gentleman and the fake one.

Hence, against the warning of some good-will friends, she followed a handsome Italian, a phony gentleman, to a place plagued by Roman fever late at night. As it is fully expected, this typical I-do-what-I-want girl contracted this fever and met her death soon after that.

The book, out around 1878, is still relevant today in light of the fatal consequence of these qualities possessed by Daisy Miller.

(2) Count the number of YES for question 6 through 10. Higher scores makes it more likely that you have schizotypal personality, which is associated with odd or eccentric behavior.

Here are some fast facts from the article about creative eccentrics:
(1) People who are highly creative often have odd thoughts and behaviors — vice versa.
(2) Both creativity and eccentricity may be the result of genetic variations that increase cognitive disinhibition–the brain’s failure to filter our extraneous information.
(3) When unfiltered information reaches conscious awareness in the brains of people who are highly intelligent and can process this information without being overwhelmed, it may lead to exceptional insights and sensations.

I am so delighted in learning that there are something good about being creative-eccentric.

(1) Do you often have ideas without knowing where they came from?
(2) Do you consider yourself a highly logic person?
(3) Do you often think or speak metaphors?
(4) Do you have a broad range of interests?
(5) Do you have trouble spending time alone without turning on the TV or other electronic devices?
(6) Do you believe in telepathic communication?
(7) Have you ever felt the presence of someone in the room with you when you knew you were alone?
(8) Do you believe that your dreams may sometimes be previews of future events?
(9) Do you believe that certain events or objects are signs that may have been provided to help you make important decisions?
(10) Do you believe there may be forces at work in the world that cannot be detected with scientific instruments?
(11) Do you often feel like a square peg in a round hole?
To be continued…

The finding is men suffer more from widowhood effect than women, that is, many of them die not long after their wives passed away.

The explanation is this. “… it may be that when men die, the things they brought to the marriage that had the greatest impact on their spouse’s health, namely money, is still around, such as a house and a pension. Conversely, when women die, the thing they brought to a marriage that most affect their partners’ health, namely, emotional support, a connection to others, and a well-run home, disappears. Widowed men often find themselves cut off from the social world and lacking social support.” I believe some men will challenge this finding by arguing against the importance of women in their lives.

On greediness –Avarice and happiness never saw each other; how then should they become acquainted?
Wealth is not he that has it, but he that enjoys it.

On Christmas celebration –How many observe Christ’s birthday, How few his precepts! O, ‘its easier to keep holidays than Commandments.

On laziness –Sloth (like rust) consumes faster than labour wears: the used key is always bright.

On facing one’s mistakes– How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them!
To err is human, to repent divine, to persist devilish.

On being calm –He that can compose himself, is wiser than he that composes books! If passion drives, let reason hold the reins.

On forgiving–Doing an injury puts you below your enemy; revenging one makes you but even with him; forgiving it sets you above him.

On honesty–Avoid dishonest gain; no price can recompence the pangs of vice. Who has deceiv’d thee so oft as thy self?

Alone in the Crowd, loneliness is a discrepancy between the desire for connection and the actual connections–spreads according to the three degrees rule. Each extra friend reduces the frequency of loneliness by 2 days per year (the average person feels lonely 48 days per year).

Strong ties affect people more deeply. Weak ties often link more people. People need both strong and weak ties in order to network successfully. Mix of strong ties to previous collaborators and weak ties for fresh faces balances rapport, organization, and creative ability.

Weak Ties = More potential connections! They may not be strong, but they open more doors. e.g. one has many friends but very few close ones. People with many connections (both strong and weak) are more likely to be at the center of a social network.

Some surprising findings regarding family feelings,
1. The strongest path was from daughters to parents
2. Parents had little affect on daughter
3. Fathers had a significant affect on wives and sons (What this means … when a father returns grumpy from work the whole household soon becomes miserable)… Ouch…

Even more surprising is this finding — happiness, it’s in the Genes. Long term happiness is affected by:
50% genes
10% circumstance (i.e. quality of life)
40% attitude (what you think and do)
I surely wish I have this in my gene and let the rest work its way toward building my happiness.

“If we are affected by our embeddedness in social networks and influenced by others who are closely or distantly tied to us, we necessarily lose some power over our own decision. … But the flip side of this realization is that people can transcend themselves and their own limitations. In this book, we argue that our interconnection is not only a natural and necessary part of our lives but also a force for good. Just as brains can do things that no single neuron can do, so can social networks do things that no single person can do.”

When the authors were asked “Are we better off if we stay away from friends with negative habits?” they answered,

“No. Stay connected! Although bad things can spread through networks, the overall effect of a close personal connection is usually positive. On the average, every friend makes us healthier and happier. So instead of dumping friends who do things we don’t want to copy, we should work to influence them to change.”

I love this book because I don’t need to dump some of my old friends.

“Yes, absolutely! Make good behavior visible. A vast amount of research shows that we copy others and we shape our ideas about what is acceptable behavior when we see how others behave. Gandhi said, ‘You must be the change you wish to see in the world.’ But this really starts much closer to home: you must be the change you wish to see in your social network. If you want your friends to be healthy, make healthy choices yourself. And, as it turns out, this bounces back and helps you too.”

Same thing can be said of a parent. Whatever a parent wants to see in her children, be that whatever herself. It is so lovely true!

This piece was graciously sent to me by a friend of mine on 1/24/2011. It was so truly expressed. Since not many of us can afford to travel as much as we wish outside our immediate world, reading and music make up the difference. So, grab a book and let your soul fly and soar in an unlimited realm of your own creation.

I give tons of credit to the author for such a large quantity of helpful microscopic details. Yet, I always have sensed that something is missing in the book, something about giving the child a wholesome education on his heart and soul, character and personality. No mapping is complete without taking care of this.

Consider these — what will happen if the child is not admitted into a good college? What will he do beyond classroom if he is in? How can we prepare the child so that he will be capable of meeting challenges, defeat, failure, frustration and obstacle inevitably awaiting for him in his life’s journey? What is the ultimate goal of all this schooling? etc.

I believe a child is successful if he is equipped with a high level of responsibility, an independent mind, a strong body and tough character, with due accomplishments, and the maturity and the readiness to face the world. Such a person is a success even if he/she has not entered a good college. Because these qualities will help him beyond the door of a college. Otherwise, he won’t go far even if he has mapped into Harvard campus.

These lectures, offered by great professors in their fields, free to public via public library, have been wonderful companions to my daily work. With their words ringing in my ears, it always gives me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that I am with some professors while at work. Other than learning from these lectures, it also serves as an escape from daily mundaneness into a place I thought I belong.

If you like learning and knowledge, you belong to the community of learners and scholars, that is, folks at universities. I wish my children could see the benefits of these audio books and lectures and find time for them later in their lives.

One theme that might not have been picked up as the main one, often returns to me. That is, the conflict and contrast between ideals and reality, as fully demonstrated in George Milton’s repeated narrative of their shared dream, the one in which he and Lennie Small would own a piece of land and live there peacefully, free from any outside harm and danger.

The more I think of it, the more strongly I feel that this theme reflects a larger reality than it appears to. For many people, they have their dreams at some point in their lives, yet, like George and Lennie, their dreams all have gone up in smoke because they do not have the will power to get closer to their dreams.

On 9/24/2010, a Friday afternoon, when we drove back from Ice Sport, my daughter and I talked with great enthusiasm about her dream and her short-term goal at this point of her life. I told her, “In medical field, we have a saying, ‘If it’s not written, it hasn’t happened’ After we get back home, you must commit it in writing and follow it through. After all, we don’t want our dreams to end up like that of George and Lennie’s.”

On talent and practice, “Surgeons, as a group, adhere to a curious egalitarianism. They believe in practice, not talent… Skill, surgeons believe, can be taught; tenacity cannot.”

“There have now been many studies of elite performers–international violinists, chess grand masters, professional ice-skaters, mathematicians, and so forth — and the biggest differences researchers find between them and lesser performers is the cumulative amount of deliberate practice they have had. Indeed, the most important talent may be for practice itself.”

“…the most important way in which innate factors play a role may be in one’s willingness to engage in sustained training.” Top performers, more than others, have the will to keep practice even if they dislike it.

The early part of this book reminds me of my posting on 8/2/2010 “Common Traits Found in Three Geniuses.”

The article details the traits shared by these three genius in sports, music and brain surgery. Though engaged in different fields, they will excel in tasks involving high-demand percetual motor abilities. Here are their common traits.

(1) They are all extremely dedicated to their respective field, having spent long hours practicing. This tendency show itself at a very early age. Thus, these geniuses have applied greater diligence to perfecting their skills, nothing of the myth that they are just talented and can produce great work effortlessly.

(2) They all engage in the unique use of imagery. “What psychologists study people who are expert at motor tasks, they find that almost all of them use their imaginations in a very particular and sophisticated way… Yo-Yo Ma told me that he remembers riding on a bus, at the age of seven, and solving a difficult musical problem by visualizing himself playing the piece on the cello.”

(3) These geniuses are extremely intolerant of their own mistakes, no matter how small. They are seeking perfection. “They were the best. They had the ability to rethink everything that they’d done and imagine how they might have done it differently.”

Nothing extraordinary comes by accident. Now you know what you have to do if you want to be the best. For further reading on this article, see the New Yorker archive online, http://www.gladwell.com/1999/1999_08_02_a_genius.htm

I told my daughter it was high time that she appreciated the true beauty found in the books she reads. “The main character, Atticus, embodies so many fine qualities. Don’t you see beauty in all this? Beauty is not appearance. True beauty is found in people like Atticus.” said I.

Atticus exemplified kindness, compassion, and forgiveness when he makes an effort to be polite and kind to Mr. Dubose even though Dubose has not been nice to him and his children. He stands by what he believes and shows great courage when he stays at the jailhouse to protect Tom Robinson, the wrongly accused black man, from the white mob attack, even though he knows the danger and risk involved.

He uses Mrs. Dubose as an example of true courage to show his children that courage does not mean a man with a gun. Courage means you fight for what you believe is right, whether or not you will win in the end. What a great father!

Remember the song performed by Teng Lijun– “The story of the small town?” It includes all the truth, kindness, and beauty valued in life. I hope my children can reach a deeper appreciation of what people value in life.

P.S. I realize I sound so old-fashioned, like someone from your history book.

Every wealthy Chinese parents should read this book, Life Is What You Make It: Find Your Own Path to Fulfillment, by Peter Buffett, the son of billionaire investor Warren Buffett.

Instead of yielding to the dominant material culture and wasting his time wallowing in riches and wealth like many Chinese fu-er-dai rich-second-generation, Peter Buffett beat out his own path as a musician and then a writer, seeking out for spiritual fulfillment. He pursues his own passions, lives out his own dream, and has achieved his own accomplishment which no money and wealth can buy. See my posting on China’s fu-er-dai, 5/6/2010.

According to Peter, if children of wealthy parents allow the silver spoon in their mouths to control their lives, that silver spoon will become a “silver dagger in your back” and makes it impossible for any attempt at personal achievement. Thus, wealth ruins more than helps the next generation.

It is an absolute must for wealthy parents on this International Children’s Day.