Some people refuse to pitch in when you break your back hard at work but demand a share of the result of your work. Don’t think negative about it. Welcome to whoever wants a share, regardless what people think. After all, a fruit tastes sweet when it is shared with others. You might be teaching people how to respect themselves.

Some people pay fastidious attention to their appearance, in an attempt to cover up their inner emptiness with the surface of luxury. But their ignorance and stupidity are inevitably exuded via their manner of talking and behavior. Don’t disdain them for they don’t understand that one’s apparel is the indicator of one’s purchasing ability. It is in no way indicative of one’s true value. These shallow people serve as a mirror for us so that we will know better than neglecting our inner value.

Last September, a friend of mine sent me a powerpoint file with beautiful pictures and background music. I wanted to share it with my children but haven’t had a chance. On 12/27/2010, while I was working, I dug it out and decided to translate it and post it here. Below is the main idea of the writing.

The world is like a gigantic stage, on which a person is like a book. This is the most difficult book for us to read. Some people are willing to lend you their umbrella in sunny days but quietly take it from you when it rains. Don’t complain about this type of person because he does not want to be soaked in rain and does not want to share with other. Suck it up. Have your own umbrella ready.

Some people follow you everywhere when you are in power but leave you when you are out of it. Please understand that people praise you when you are in power because of their need. Now that you are no longer useful to them, there is no need for them to say nice words to you. If you can think calmly, ask yourself if you have placed too much trust in these people.

Some people use the most touching language to conceal their ulterior motives. Don’t hate them for their hypocrisy because they don’t have an easy life when they try to play double face, always running the risk of being exposed. Understand where they come from and wait till the day they initiate change in themselves.

In the evening of 11/22, I explained to my mother over the phone about Black Friday. My mother told me what she thinks about shopping for stuff you don’t need. “If you don’t need these clothes and still buy them simply because they are on sale, you will have to serve them by storing them or taking them out after sometime even if you don’t wear them. You make yourself a slave of your possessions. You only have this much living space. The more you buy, the more crowded you will feel as they take up your limited space. Instead, it will make you feel good if you can donate whenever there is a need.”

I wish more people could hear these words of wisdom from an 80-year-old Chinese citizen. At least, I will make sure that my children keep them in mind when they are so tempted to shop unnecessarily.

I personally know some young people either in their early or later 20s, at my office or among my relatives. Every time I see some of them spend plenty of time either texting or aimlessly surfing the internet or daily commuting as if time had no value, I think of this Chinese saying.

Here is the main idea.
“When a child was young and learning was easy, he did not like learning.
When he grew old and learning becomes difficult, he realizes the importance of learning and wants to learn.”

As the new year and a new decade just started, I wish young people could keep this in mind — learn while learning is easy, so that when they look back, they will not regret for having wasted time.

Winter break began yesterday afternoon after students finished their last two finals. Soon after I got back home, I told my daughter to write two things — one is the reflection on the past semester, the other is her plan for the next one. I asked her jokingly, “Are you thinking something like this –there she goes again?” She admitted that was exactly what she thought.

Next, I shared with her my thought on the necessity of such reflection. The end of a semester is a good time point for a reflection. Some people have it annually, like the end of a year. It is like a pause in your journey. You want to make sure you are in the right direction. If not, you make adjustments and move on. You want to catch yourself before you have gone too far off the track.

The main thought behind it all is your desire to improve yourself, to be better tomorrow than you were yesterday. I hope my children will keep on this practice beyond their students’ life.

On the Thanksgiving evening we went to a family friend for dinner. During the dinner, we chatted about activities for the Christmas break. We learned that they were going to Florida during winter break. We said we would do the same and the two families might go together to double the fun.

But on the way back home, my daughter raised objection. “I cannot go because I have other plan for the break.” She plans to use winter break to get ready for activity in next summer break. She knows it will be too late if she waits till next spring. I know how much she loves to go to Florida but we have to cancel it.

Now I am proud of her decision.

On 11/22, after school, I took my daughter to Old Navy to pay a bill, Border’s being its next door neighbor. A wide yellow band across Border’s door suddenly caught my eyes — “Store Closing — Everything Must Go.” This is the bookstore where my daughter has spent a large part of her childhood. Ever since she was in elementary school, Border’s has been her favorite place, where she could stay for as long as she was allowed. It is like a fixture in the neighborhood.

I know how much she loves Border’s, so much so that I often promise to send her there if she can quickly complete her homework. Sometimes, she asks to go there for her homework or test preparation because she can concentrate well without computer or internet.

Here’s one of the victims of our economic downtime. We couldn’t help feeling sad over its closure.

On 11/10/10, after I got home from work, I took my daughter to Michael’s. She was sick again after going to school for two days and had to stay home on Wednesday. While driving on the bridge over 435 highway on Lamar, we noticed the heavy traffic on the highway down below. I told my daughter some of my co-workers live in Lawrence, Harrisburg, Independence or even farther away from the office. They spend nearly an hour one-way to the office everyday.

Some of them choose to save on housing at the cost of time and gas. Some live this far because of job change. They got used to the house they bought and would not move simply because of this job change. Obviously, they don’t feel the hurt over the time lost in this long-distance daily commuting.

Talk about lost time, my daughter was sick on 11/3, last Wednesday, staying home for three days. On Monday, 11/8, she went back to school and that evening she burned late night oil again till after 1:30 AM, not all for study. On Tuesday, she came back from school very tired. On Wednesday, she felt sick and stayed home again.

I told her, “As soon as you feel better, you forget the misery of being sick and the time cost of illness, and you start wasting time like something of no value.”

It takes more than an illness for us to appreciate time and good health. Until then, we have to pay for our fogetfulness and for any lost time, in one way or another.

Lately, many changes seem to come up simultaneously. With the buyout of our parent company by a public company and the merging of our company, there are other things going on — the change of responsibilities and of office and location, and that of the season. Yes, the days get shorter and colder and outside activities are limited.

Changes inherently mean both uncertainties and opportunities. For some unexplainable reason, an uncomfortable depressed feeling is always present in times of changes. For me, the only thing that I can hold on is the goal I set for myself, which should hold the ground like an anchor.

From this, I think of the time when my son just left the environment that he had grown up in and headed for one totally unfamiliar to him. It must be a tough start for him, even though he had his anchor to hold on.

I am sure the children will have to go through many expected or unexpected changes. I hope they can be prepared. In times of changes, it is very helpful to cling to something you hold dearly in your mind. You will feel uplifted as long as that something-dear-to-you remains unchanged — either your ideal self or your fundamental principle or your dream or goal or any thought that can comfort you.

Yesterday, 10/24/2010, while I was searching for last year’s tax return forms, I dug out a paper in a frame written by my son on 5/25/2005, his summer schedule for that year. I don’t remember under what circumstances that he wrote it, but I do remember he did not follow it through exactly as he wrote. Well, it is better to have written it than otherwise. Before it gets lost, I record it here. At least, it shows us how some American children have their summer break.

6:30 AM — Wake up, eat
7:00 — Summer School (5 hr)
12:30 PM – Eat lunch
1:00 — Nap (1 hr)
2:00 — EPGY work (2:30 hr)
4:30 — Exercise (15 min.)
4:45 — Reading & SAT improvement (writing)
6:00 — Dinner
6:20 — Piano (30 min.)
6:50 — Research (70 min.)
8:00 — Swimming/Running/Shower (1 hr)
9:15 — Chinese (15 min.)
9:30 — Go to bed

On 9/18/2010, a Saturday afternoon, I was reading Psychology Today while waiting for my daughter’s art lesson. As always, I find many interesting reads here.

There is one article called “It’s so loud. I can’t hear my budget” by Emily Anthes. It answers a question that has puzzled me since 2008. During that year I frequented places like Aeropostale with my daughter. While she took time trying clothes, I was waiting outside, deeply disturbed by the loud ‘music’ or rather noise pollution in the store. I felt so miserable by the deafening noice that I kept asking her to hurry up, “Get a piece and let’s get out of this place.” I even asked the salesperson to turn down the volume. He told me it was company’s policy throughout all stores nationwide to set noise at this level.

Emily Anthes’ article finally reveals the ulterior purpose behind the deafening noice.

(1) The loud music creates a permanent party atmosphere. Loud music means party, fun, cool clothes, and youth. “If it’s too loud, you’re too old.”

(2) “People make more impulsive purchase when they are overstimulated. Loud volume leads to sensory overload, which weakens self-control. Overload makes people move into less deliberate mode of decision making. People might be more likely to be lured by discounts on items that they might not really want, and susceptible to other influences.”

As a dutiful consumer, I feel fooled and manipulated. I wish people can see through this trick and become wiser. As my daughter suggests, “Put on your ear plugs if you have to go to those stores.”

Continue with this person’s dreamed interview with.
God’s hand took mine and we were silent for a while. And then I asked…
“As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons you want your children to learn?”

“To learn they cannot make anyone love them. All they can do is let themselves be loved.”
“To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.”
“To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.”
“To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those they love, and it can take many years to heal them.”
“To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.”
“To learn that there are people who love them dearly, but simply have not yet learned how to express or show their feelings.”
“To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.”
“To learn that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.”

“Thank you for your time,” I said humbly.
“Is there anything else you would like your children to know?”
God smiled and said, “Just know that I am here… always.”
-author unknown

Too bad my children have to learn a lot more than this, if not from me, from TV, Internet, their friends, and schools. As for the last sentence — “Just know that I am here… always,” that’s one of the options if it works. Just remember not to close your mind to this options.

During the weekend of 7/17/2010, I read an email from a friend of mine. She sent me a link to a video of a fictionalized interview with God. It happens in a person’s dream, in which a person had an interview with God. It is interesting to see how a person expresses his view of human existence via the mouth of God, though it is not the first time people use dream to express themselves. It was beautifully written. Hence, I post it here.

I dreamed I had an interview with God.
“So you would like to interview me?” God asked.
“If you have the time” I said.
God smiled. “My time is eternity. What questions do you have in mind for me?”
“What surprises you most about humankind?” I asked.
God answered…
“That they get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.”
“That they lose their health to make money…and then lose their money to restore their health.”
“That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present nor the future.”
“That they live as if they will never die, and die as though they had never lived.”

Indeed, life is full of paradoxes. To be continued…

Recently, I found out a note that I wrote to my daughter two years ago, on 5/30/2008 regarding her summer plan. She took an independent study course that summer.
…
Today is the first day of your summer break. Please keep in mind you are a middle school student now and your summer break should be different from your previous one. Here are two things that I hope you will do:
(1) Please stick to your summer plan
(2) Please keep track of the progress of your work
For the first two weeks, I will check with you everyday after I get back from work. After that, if you have done your daily work in due time, I will check with you on weekly basis, then monthly basis. Gradually, you should be able to take care of your own study.
Love
Mom
…
That summer she did write a detailed summer plan but did not follow through on her promise from very beginning. My initial checks on her progress had proved rather toothless and fruitless, thus I gave up checking. I remember I could not take care of her summer school all by myself, so she had to stay home, doing this independent study. But that did not turn out well. It is not pleasant to look back at those days. Still, I post it here and hope my daughter will do better than this 2008 summer in the future.

On 7/14/2010, I read from Forbes a report on the world’s happiest countries by Francesca Levy. Below are some interesting facts.

(1) The five happiest countries in the world – Denmark, Finland, Norway, Sweden and the Netherlands – are all clustered in the same region, and all enjoy high levels of prosperity. What is it in that region that generates a high level of happiness?

(2) A a rule, money makes the difference. In general, countries with high gross domestic products beat out those with lower GDP. “Money is an object that many or most people desire, and pursue during the majority of their waking hours,” researchers wrote in the report. “It would be surprising if success at this pursuit had no influence whatsoever when people were asked to evaluate their lives.”

(3) Money is one of the key factors in making a person happy. One’s happiness is also associated with how well one’s psychological and social needs are being met, and that’s harder to achieve with a paycheck. Take Costa Rica. The sixth-happiest country in the world, and the happiest country in the Americas, it beat out richer countries like the United States. That’s because social networks in Costa Rica are tight, allowing individuals to feel happy with their lot, regardless of financial success.

To be sure, money can buy material comfort and good health care. But it takes much more than money to stay happy and healthy, living out a fulfilled life that satisfied one’s emotional and spiritual need.

When my son was back home during the 4th of July long weekend, he told my daughter that kids who did not have to work after school were lucky. They had no reason not to study well. He talked about one of his friends at MIT who worked at his parents’ restaurant after school until he left for college.

There are actually many children who are like this friend of his. They must help around with their families and do not have as much time as they want for themselves.

Children who do not have to worry about anything but study should count their blessings. It does make children think differently when they realize how lucky they are in this aspect.

Last Thursday and Wednesday, 7/14-15, we had a monitor from California. She is really one of a kind, very unique and interesting. During our chatting, she asked me if she should adopt a baby from Haiti. “I got to do something with my life,” she said. “Well, you travel so much that you don’t have time for your baby. What’s the use of having children if you don’t have time for them?” I reminded her.

After she left, I kept thinking of my childhood and my children’s. One of the differences between the two is the amount of time that parents spend with the children. When I was a small child, both of my parents were very busy, either out of town or staying in the office until after 10 in the evening. They seldom had time for us, chatting with us, sharing their life experiences and observations with us as I do with my children. That explains why I was such a late bloomer, easily falling prey to bad elements and being used like a ridiculous puppet during my younger days.

Now the gravity has been shifted from work to family and children. The other end of extreme seems to be the case with today’s parent-children interactions, that is, too much and omnipresence of parents in children’s life. I have no doubt that both sides can benefit greatly from this close parent-children interactions, though it’s never good to go to any end of extreme. To be sure, children need their parents for all stages of their development. Nothing can take the place of real life experience. Be there for your little ones when they need you, even if it means postponing whatever you have on your plate. You won’t regret if you do.

It was a short and sweet three-day visit when my son came back for the 4th of July weekend. As always, I am so happy having him back home, happy to notice he has become more mature, yet still has this boyish feature around him, jumping and hopping like those days in Ohio.

When he was in high school, he was busy and seldom helped around the house. Now it gave me so much pleasure seeing him pitch in after each meal or clean up after him. Such a delightful change!

Around the house, nothing brought more laughter than this heavenly joy, the fun and the interactions between brother and sister and the genuine brotherly love and care he showered upon his sister.

Yesterday morning, around 5:20 AM, the whole family drove to the airport to see him off. Back we came and there he headed for Texas. Back home, seeing a magazine that he forgot to take with him, a feeling of quiet sadness inevitably crept in. I kept telling my daughter and myself, “Your brother goes there for a purpose, whatever that is, and we stay here for a purpose, too,” as if it would make us feel better.

Sometimes, as with thousands of Chinese who have made their way across the Pacific ocean to the States, separation is a painful necessity and always for a good cause.

On 2/20/2009, a Friday evening on the way to skating, my daughter asked me what nomad meant. “Nomadic people move from place to place without ever settling in one of them,” was my explanation. “I want to be a nomad. It is boring to settle in one place. I want to travel and see places,” was her answer. “Then how do you make a living?” I asked. “I don’t know,” out came the answer without thinking. The answer quickly threw me into some thought about rootlessness, responsibility, contribution, and source of happiness and the joy of life, but I did not say anything to her.

The whole piece of dialog was interesting, so I jotted it down on a scrap paper. A few days ago I dug it out and decided to record it here. From what I have observed, I can see the tendency among some young people to seek fun and joy while they are young and never worry about the time when they are not that young. Some young people of the rich second generation even expect their parents to foot the bill for them forever.

I wish life could be this simple, that is, we can have as much fun as possible while young and have somebody else take care of us when we are incapable of working. Meanwhile, I am sure she will be able to travel and see more places than her parents.

On 5/27, during our monthly department meeting, a doctor presented a talk on breast cancer.
Toward the end of it, he touched on the options that cancer patients had at different stage of disease. “It is always comforting for patients to have options,” said the doctor. Indeed, it would be psychologically and emotionally devastating to feel trapped in a corner with no way out. Very often clinic trials offer patients such options when all standard treatments have failed.

Have options. The words keep ringing in my ears after the meeting has ended. Having options means having choice, trust, hope, and control. The practice can very well be applicable to parenting. Very often, instead of telling children what they should do, the children will get a sense of trust, responsibility and even freedom if parents give them options and allow them to decide which options they will follow. In fact, it is always a good idea to let the children make decisions when they are mature enough for this role.

Yesterday, 6/7/2010, ABC aired Diane Sawyer’s interesting interview with renowned physicist Stephen Hawking. The interview was short and great. My daughter and I felt inspired after watching it.

Hawking suffers from a motor neuron disease which is also known as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis and eventually becomes severely disabling and leads to almost-complete paralysis. Still, the disease has not in the least impacted his world-known achievements and lifetime accomplishments.

During the interview with Diane Sawyer, he told Sawyer that he had three pieces of advice for his three children.
“One, remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet.
Two, never give up work. Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it.
Three, if you are lucky enough to find love, remember it is there and don’t throw it away.”

To me, these words are profound and meaningful.

It has been a month since the young relative left for China on 5/5. It was 4 AM when his uncle and he headed for the airport. Before he left, he gave his uncle a farewell hug, the first of its kind in four years.

I am not sure if it is an expression of gratitude or affection or sadness over separation or obligation. But one thing I am definitely certain, this simple tender expression has touched his uncle’s heart, to the point that he keeps mentioning it and feels somewhat sad over the young man’s leaving. He has been looking forward to talking to the young man over the Skype ever since he left. When the young man was living with us, he hoped the young man could go back and find a job instead of wasting time here. One hug seems to have changed his mind.

Sometime we are not aware of it when we give away expressions of good will or affection randomly or lightheartedly. In this case, the impact on the recipient surpasses the expression itself. For my children, be abundant in expressing your gratitude or affection when that expression is due. Don’t be as spartan as Spartans.

Yesterday, my daughter and I talked about her summer plan. She already has planned to take summer courses. Still, I think it a good practice to set a goal and hammer out a summer plan and a timetable because summer time is not as structured as normal school year. A plan and a timetable can help you structure your time so that you get more things done.

People with no goal and no plan are most likely driven by habit and drifted to their default place whenever they have some disposable time. For some people, their default place is computer, either play games or watch movies or youtube or on facebook. For some others, their default place is refrigerator. I have observed that some people are likely to raid the refrigerator and munch away their time when they have nothing to do or nothing better than eating. Consequently, they gain weight instead of ability and brain power.

Unless your default place happens to be one that constitutes part of your plan and will lead to your goal, you are better off with a timetable to manage your time and a goal toward which your energy are fruitfully channeled.

For this reason, I told my daughter, a well-written summer plan is absolutely necessary in keeping one in good shape mentally and physically.

To be continued from yesterday’s posting.
Lastly, this is the key to a fruitful summer break. It is better to have the children write their own plan or at least to get the children involved in any plan involving them, making them feel that it is their plan not their parents’. Parents can encourage them to make and follow through their own plans and reward them if they have done so. If they are not mature enough for it, try not to make unrealistic plan on their behalf.

Parents should be aware that learning involves not just reading and math problems. When children go out of the country, they are exposed to a variety of new experiences. With their natural curiosity, they tend to come up with lots of questions on matters that we take for granted. If parents actively engage in conversations with them, taking advantage of opportunities, they can learn a lot more than what they do in classroom environment.

Again, looking back, I should have relaxed and enjoyed as much as I could while on vacation and should have realized that during their stay in China, the children at least had learned Chinese language, that they came to understand a little bit of Chinese culture and customs through watching TV, daily observations, social interactions and constant question-and-answers.

If we can put things in perspective, we will be able to see that nothing is more important than providing your little ones with one of the happiest moments in their childhood. When I recall my own childhood, the most fond and memorable moments are never associated with school and classroom. They always involved with doing something that I truly enjoyed, either walking home alone through deserted country road or taking apart clock or radio. Now I feel guilty and greatly regret for having failed again and again in providing these moments for my children.

P.S. today is the first day of the nice long summer break.

On one lunch break, a friend of mine and I talked about kid’s summer plan over the phone. It is not easy to follow a good plan when you travel outside the country. I had my share of fights and frustrations when I took my children to China during several summer breaks. That was when they were in primary school. Looking back now, I can see why we had so many fights over their summer homework. I am mainly responsible for those frustrating moments.

First of all, they were surrounded by relatives whom they had not seen for a long time. The novelty did not wear out even after they left. The more people around them, the more difficult it is for parents to exercise discipline.

Second, for them, summer break meant a break from school and study, all play all day long, as carefree as anything. Hence they naturally resented and resisted fiercely when I proposed and insisted that they do some home-assigned homework each day.

Third, here comes the influence of American culture on our children. They always thought it not fair to them when all their friends and classmates had zero homework during either summer or winter break.

Fourth, I had not done a good job of reasoning with them, letting them sort things out on their own and accept extra work willingly. I have emphasized this slogan — extra work makes one extra smart, but the slogan did not work wonder in their young immature minds.

Fifth, I did not actually have a feasible plan. That is, I often plan to do a lot but am bitterly disappointed when my plan falls through in the end. My expectation should be more realistic.

To be continued…

Yesterday I had half day off. My son and I went to Target in the afternoon. As we left the store, he tossed the receipt to the trash can outside the store. “You don’t usually keep your receipts, do you?” I asked. “No,” said he.

“I don’t like spending time shopping round or return it afterward,” he continued. “You might save a little after spending some time, but in the grand scheme of things, does it matter that much? I mean you could put into good use that time.”

I was so glad to hear this. Indeed, only when you have too much time and too little resources do you care more about resources than about time.

Yesterday was a busy day. The two children got up early and ran two miles in the morning. My daughter had art lesson from 1 to 2:30 PM. After we got back home, we crammed down some food. Next the whole family drove to get our neighbor’s girl. From there, we went to ice sport for their skating lessons.

In the evening we were invited to a friend’s house, where we were once again spoiled by the good food and the hospitality of the hosts.

My son was busy either with his work or working with his sister. I am so glad to see them working together.

I dug this out of my previous note. I am not sure if I have posted it before. The calculation below is what I wrote to a friend of mine sometime in March. She was considering of moving to another office and asked what I thought of the move. The move will shorten the time of daily commune from 90 to less than 20 minutes. I calculated the amount of time she could save by the move.
70 minutes saved per day,
70 x 5 (day) = 350 min. per week
350 x 52 (week) = 18200 minutes, 303 and a half hours per year

I told her, “If you put to good use of these save 303 hours every year, they can benefit you in the long run. That’s why I choose to live as close to work place as possible. It is time save everyday plus gas saving.”

This is something I keep telling my children – it is better to spend more money on housing and live close-by than living far from work in order to save money on housing. Most people always think of saving money, but they don’t know that they can always make money if money is gone, but nothing can get back lost time. I will share with you some of my writings to my children on time saving.

P.S. my son came back this afternoon. From early morning, I canceled my daughter’s afternoon art lesson, cleaned the room, getting everything ready for his homecoming. As always, it feels my heart with immense joy to see him back. The whole house brightened up, filled with life with his presence.

I always hold the view that it is a shame not an honor for young people, especially those still living off their parents, to spend money like water. Even after they have their own incomes, they should still keep their thrify habit and think of those without.

About two weeks ago, my daughter asked me to take her to Old Navy as she had learned that there was a store-wide deep discount. There she tried many pieces of clothes, some of which she liked a lot but gave up because they were way too expensive. We came back with four pieces of clothes for a little over $30.

Last Friday evening we went to Whole Food store as I had promised my daughter to get her hair care product. Inside the store, I saw my daughter standing in front of diary products for some time and then left without taking anything. I knew there was something that she liked and she used to ask for. So before we checked out, I asked her if she wanted to get that Kefir cultural milk smoothie. “Really? I thought you would think it too expensive, so I did not ask,” said she with a happy smile. “Go and grab it now,” I told her.

The relative who just left us thought that our children were very thrify compared to many young people that he knew of. I had not realized it until I saw some of the people he mentioned of. Count my blessings now.

Early this year when the mother of the young relative was here with us, I mentioned to her the importance of having a certification on top of a degree in job-hunting. One or two certifications in his area of expertise would help him to land a job either here or in China. That’s how I got my jobs. They all thought it a good idea. It was then agreed by both mother and son that the young man would pursue diligently in both getting certified and getting a job. For the months that followed, he would at least accomplish something if he was not lucky enough to get a job. Now four months have passed and the young man has just left for China — no job, no certification.

There should be some accountability for what has been agreed upon. What would happen if the promise was not delivered by deadline? Now nobody cares to find out where things went wrong and why the young man did not follow the plan. Very often people simply rush by and let things happen without looking back. Since I was not involved in his education, I did not know what was going on and was not in the position to ask.

I am not making any judgment on anybody. I record this for my children because I don’t think it helpful in the long run if we let any undesirable results fall through the cracks without ever learning a bit out of it. Each time we fail something, we cannot just shrug our shoulders and say “Oh well” or “whatever” with a careless attitude. We got to confront ourselves honestly and learn things out of any failed efforts if we don’t want to repeat the same mistakes committed either by us or by other people. It is wise to always reflect upon events and learn to be wiser.

My daughter and I have worked for sometime on her time management issue, trying many mechanisms, without seeing much progress. She always ran deep into the night for her homework, very often going to bed after midnight. Last Wednesday, I set up a simple time tracker for her. On that day it really worked wonder. She could focus better on each of the task.

First, I asked her to make a list of her homework on that day. Next, estimate how much time she needed to finish each of them. Last, marked the start time before she started doing one task.

Her task list looks like this.
(1) Algebra –50 min. 6:30 – 7:20 PM
(2) English — 40 min. 7:25 – 8:05
(3) Biology — 30 min. 8:10 – 8:40
(4) French — 10 min. 8:45 – 8:55
(5) Piano — 15 min. 9:00 – 9:15
(6) Shower and get ready for bed.

Of course, she did not exactly follow this. Still, it works as a restrictive force, vastly reduced her normal amount of homework time. Both of us see the result and are willing to keep using this tool.

“He who cannot engage in important task but refuses to do thing he considers as being below his level.”

This is what I often tell my children. You got to start somewhere down below before you become the CEO of your dream. You will remain forever a good-for-nothing nobody if you aspire high but refuse to start low.

On the evening of 4/6/2010, I posed to my daughter the issue of young people chewing the old bone, once
posted on 3/5/2010, asking her, “Who, do you think, should be responsible for this problem?” “The adult children. They should go out looking for job after graduation instead of staying home, doing nothing.” said she.

I am glad to hear this answer. I know clearly in my heart that my children will not grow into one of these old-bone-chewers because I have made the point of raising them to be responsible and independent adults right off college. From this perspective, I would think the parents should be responsible for feeding and reinforcing the dependent mentality in their adult children.

Have you heard of this phrase? We will make efforts and attempts changes if we are in poverty. In other words, if parents cut off the economic lifeline, leaving the children no option but going out of the door and picking up whatever jobs that can feed them, there would not have been any lazy ones. On the other hand, if one is free from any want, one is not motivated to make efforts and earn his/her own living. You can further put it this way, these children are more hurt than helped by their parents’ wealth.

Between money and freedom, young people should treasure freedom and independence more than whatever they can scrub from their parents. Like an eagle, soar freely in the sky instead of nesting around old bones. I can never understand how some people are willing to compromise the sweet freedom in order to outstay their initial comfort zone.

Last Saturday morning 4/3, the sun was nice and warm. I did not need to cook for anyone since I was home alone. I went out for a relaxing walk, enjoying what nature had to offer on that spring day. Wherever I went, I saw pleasant signs of spring, the trees with tiny flower buds, the attractive magnolia trees in our neighborhoods, the squirrels chasing each other, the birds busy with their nests, etc. I saw one of our neighbors selling something like girl scout cookies. This abruptly brought my mind back to the conversation that I had with my daughter a few weeks ago.

“Girl scouts always bake and sell cookies. They do this so much that when girl scouts are mentioned, people always think of baking and selling cookies, as if that’s all they could do. Do you know why?” I asked my daughter. “It’s because people like cookies,” said she. “I think this will prepare girls for their future role as mother and housewife or maybe that’s what they enjoy doing,” I said.

“What’s so good about cookies other than making people fat and sad? Why can’t we do something different?” I asked my daughter. “How about this — we grow Japanese maple trees from seeds, then sell them at your primary school. And we donate the money to school’s PTA? I think it will benefit the school’s PTA, good for the environment, and of course, it will be a nice addition on your resume,” I got excited over the idea. But she did not share my enthusiasm.

End of a brilliant idea.

On the day of last good Friday, 4/2, I was home alone with my daughter being out of town with her school, for the first time for her. She called back, asking if I was doing okay by myself. She said she tried to call me but the line was busy. Yes, I was on the phone first with a friend of mine, then with my relative in Beijing. It was such a comfort with her voice ringing in my ears.

The thought led me to some parents that I have known of. One of them used to complain of her child. “It is better not to have any children at all. Life would be so much wonderful if you didn’t have the trouble of having to raise them and you can do whatever you want without this huge responsibility.” She said this when her child was little and needed her care and attention. Now that when her child has become adult away from home and she has all the time for herself, she forgot what she once said. “If we were allowed to have more than one kids, I would have at least two or three.” Isn’t it so characteristic of some people?

I once said to a friend of mine back in Ohio, “On our life’s journey, you can go through it either with empty hands or with your hands full, with burden or without. Of course, you will have an easy time and enjoy yourself in your own way when you carry nothing all the way. Yet, toward the end of the journey, you will remain empty-handed if you have nothing on your hands and shoulders.” After nearly a decade when we met again, she only saw and envied the fact that I had earned my Ph.D, raised two wonderful children and had a professional job, but she had no idea how much efforts I had put into all these.

It is interesting to look back how we travel on our life’s journey, even after a decade. The sad part is we can never go back to re-do it differently. This is specially written for my children and their generation. I miss them a lot especially on that evening.