On 1/10/2012, I left home around 8 AM driving to KC Star in downtown area. As I was driving through the unfamiliar streets, though with a map, I had a rather uneasy feeling, not because of fear of getting lost but because the area looked totally strange to me. This uneasy feeling made me think of the time when my daughter was in New York.

Later that day, on the way to the main library, I asked my daughter if she had the same feeling when she was in New York. “No,” she said because she was with her brother and his girlfriend. She felt more excited than anything else.

I told her it was also because she was young, eager to have new experience and to taste adventures. Also, the younger you are, the more adaptable you are.

The familiar area seems to provide a sense of security or a comfort zone. As people get in age, it must be hard for them to break out of their comfort zone.

In line with my postings on 10/5-6 on comfort zone and choice we make everyday, on 10/9, Sunday afternoon I was reading Amy Chua’s tiger mom book again while staying at Barnes & Noble’s with my daughter.

Chua also talks about choice, how many American parents allow their children the freedom to choose while Chinese ones choose for their children. On the surface, it sounds like Chinese families are so void of democracy and freedom.

On the deeper level, if you consider the harm and benefit of freedom to choose, you will be able to appreciate Chua’s parenting.

When people are free to choose between fun and work, play and study, very few will forsake fun and play and willingly take up the hard work. In our tendency to avoid hardships, adults and children are no different.

Parents help their children choose the road filled with hard work when the kids are young. Consequently, the children are more accomplished, self-confident, and capable and ready for the challenges ahead. They make this choice for their children because they are responsible parents and they don’t want to trash or shortchange their children’s future.

“Just as Darwin discovered the law of development or organic nature, so Marx discovered the law of development of human history: the simple fact, hitherto concealed by an overgrowth of ideology, that mankind must first of all eat, drink, have shelter and clothing, before it can pursue politics, science, art, religion, etc.; that therefore the production of the immediate material means, and consequently the degree of economic development attained by a given people or during a given epoch, form the foundation upon which the state institutions, the legal conceptions, art, and even the ideas on religion, of the people concerned have been evolved, and in the light of which they must, therefore, be explained, instead of vice versa, as had hitherto been the case.” Speech at the Graveside of Karl Marx by Friederich Engel (1883)

It is so easy to forget this simple truth. Great civilization could not be developed without the abundance of material wealth. If a person or a nation is preoccupied with feeding his stomach and seeking shelters, he is left no time for anything else. This may explain why there is no similarly great civilization in Africa.

To create great art and music, one must first be able to rise above the need to scramble for bare existence. Without the extra material or the surplus time and resource, all remains empty talks.

For some days after I got back from China on 7/12/2011, I found it hard to stay awake in the morning. At first, I thought it normal jet lag. After two or more weeks, when things had not changed for the better, I started thinking of something else.

I tried to get up early, around 5:50, took a brisk morning walk or jog before I headed for office. As the result of this exercise, my morning yawning decreased and I started feeling energized.

From that time on, I make a point of having this morning exercise. To be sure, it is not without struggle, especially when the days get shorter in autumn. Every morning when the alarm yells and I am still very sleepy, I ask myself: shall I get up or skip this morning. When I am outside, I face another one: walk or run. I know I can find thousands of excuses for myself if I decide not to get up or not to run.

I notice throughout the day, I am constantly facing such choice, one being easy, the other being difficult. It is so easy to give in to the natural tendency of taking the easy one and to stay in our comfort zone. In the long run, the choice we constantly make defines us and determines our fate.

When I was in China, my sister told me the story of her friend’s daughter. The girl just came back from America after a year’s stay there as a high schooler. Her parents had to find an English tutor here to help with her English.

I think it ridiculous that she still cannot carry on daily conversation after living in America for a year. I should not be surprised over it as I realize this is not an isolated case.

What often happens is this. The Chinese students jump into the circle of their country folks, their comfort zone, as soon as they arrive in America. They have as little as possible contact with Americans outside classroom. The more they fail in English, the more they seek refugee in their mother tongue, thus perpetuating the vicious circle and forgetting what they venture out for.

As with everything in life, it is actually in human nature that we tend to take the easy option whenever that option is available. It takes some courage and maturity to break away from one’s comfort zone and enjoy a giant progress.

“I am working very hard on my ‘thank you.’ It’s not a bad way to open or close a conversation with someone you haven’t met before, who is your new partner or co-worker. And it lets them know that you appreciate the effort they have made to make your life a little bit better. So I am generous with my ‘thank you,’ my ‘sir’ and ‘ma’am.’ I may not remember all the names, but I remember the desire to take care of people.” These words came from the former CEO of our practice on our newsletter on 6/7/2011, that is, before the practice disappeared. Imagine how much weight this CEO has placed on being polite, most likely because of its shortage. I thought I were the only old fashioned one teaching this to my children.

Number one comment, this is a well said commonsense that we should all practice automatically, without being told or having to work very hard on. Too honestly funny.

Number two, it is easy said than done as I have observed the very lack of this in this CEO, which, sadly to say, is also common with all of us. That’s why, no matter how platitudinous it is, I still find it necessary to share with my readers.

When I heard over the radio on 6/11 that Rep. Anthony Weiner, under pressure to resign because of the scandal, announced that he was entering professional treatment at an undisclosed location and requested a leave of absence from Congress. He acted as if he could not control his libido and had to resort to professional help. I don’t think he is that sick. He must have plenty of idle time for those horrible acts.

His aberration so unfit his position reminds me of not only people in similar situation but also one high school girl. She is the stepdaughter of a friend of mine. When she was in high school, she was totally disengaged in class or any school work. To fill up the vacancy in her mind, she racked her brains seeking male companies and ended up hooking up with a young male convict. She must be bored to death.

For some reason, the proverb comes to my mind when I heard cases like Weiner, that is, “An idle brain is the devil’s workshop” or “An idle mind is the devil’s playground.” Maybe the problem with all those trouble-makers is they have too much idle time on their hands. Maybe the trick to keep people out of trouble is to keep their minds crazily busy over their goals, if they have one or anything that is better than Weiner’s indiscretion.

On 1/24/2011, one of my colleagues told me that she was going to live on fruit and vegetable on one day in a week and she chose Monday. It was said that you would lose weight if you could keep doing that for sometime. My colleague said she planned to lose ten pounds, which seemed a very feasible idea.

Last Monday, she took the day off. This Monday, 2/7/2011, she had a huge yummy sandwich for lunch. When I asked her about her promise to eat only fruit and vegetable on Monday, she said she forgot all about it when she heard the mention of this Jimmy John’s gourmet sandwiches.

I shared the event with my daughter that evening. I am amazed but not really surprised to see how easy it is to make and break one’s promise.

Continue on the story of Hanhao Bird posted on 12/4/2010. The surface meaning of the story of Hanhao Bird is very obvious and that has been expounded in my previous posting. In the evening of 12/12/2010, I thought of another layer of meaning that can be extracted from this story, that is, fooling away your prime time and postponing to the last moment what one should do.

Imagine this, instead of frolicking around merrily under the warm sun like Hanhao Bird, we humans play away when we are full of energy. When darkness falls and when we start feeling tired and sleepy, we think of what we should have done during day time, e.g. homework or anything due the next day. As everybody is in bed sound asleep, we have to stay up late, cutting back sleep hours, practically fighting a losing battle against drowsiness, toiling on miserably hours after midnight, cold and dark. We may not end up like the frozen-to-death Hanhao Bird, but the quality of our nightly work and our energy level the next day will be compromised as the result of our procrastination and burning nightly oil.

It must be rather popular not just among some birds but also among human beings, as I see this behavior in my children and others. Shouldn’t we know better than this?

P.S. we were very glad to have my son back from school yesterday evening. I would have taken the day off if there were no monitor visit today.

On 11/2/2010, a Tuesday afternoon, right after we got home from her school, I told my daughter to come outside and take a picture in front of the maple tree in our yard. The leaves looked burning red under the afternoon sun. My daughter said we could take it the next day.

The next day she was sick and didn’t go to school. She was down with fever and was confined to bed for the rest of the week. By the time she was well and able to go out, the leaves were largely gone with the gusty autumn wind. The once glorious red maple leaves became past glory.

While my daughter was sick, she mentioned that she regretted that she had not made good use of her time when she was well. “Only when you are sick do you value the time when you are well,” she commented. I hope she will remember her own words after she gets well.

On 6/26, I shared with my daughter this famous streetlight story.
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Late at night, a police officer finds a drunk man crawling around on his hands and knees under a streetlight. The man tells the police officer that he is looking for his wallet and he has been looking for it for a long time. The office also helps him look for it.

When the officer asks if the drunk man is sure this is the place where he loses his wallet, he says he has dropped it when he was crossing the street over there. “Then why are you looking for it here instead of over there?” puzzled officer asked. “Because the light is better here,” was the drunk man’s answer.

My daughter couldn’t help laughing at the story. Isn’t it true that we sometimes act like this drunk man, in that, knowing that’s not where the answer is, we still go ahead putting efforts into it? We tend to turn to places where light is better instead of where the truth lies. In so doing, we actually cheat ourselves by knowingly chasing something of no relevance, just because it is either easy or fun. Here’s something to think about while we laugh at this drunk man.

I must jot it down before I forget. While I was in China, I heard this more than once during numerous conversations with family members.

I love it. Not because I don’t have a kind heart and am in dire need of it. But because I cannot maintain a kind heart when dealing with people I don’t like or someone that hurt me in the past or someone I perceive unfavorably.

A kind heart can dissolve any discomfort or animosity that you might feel toward other fellow beings. A kind heart guarantees you a peace of mind. A kind heart uplifts your spirit to an angelical level.

With a kind heart, you are ready to wish people well, to tolerate people of all kinds, and to forgive any perceived injustices done on you.

I have a mountain of good words for having a kind heart. Trust me. It can work wonders in you. This is especially written for my children.