The recent national debate on contraceptive and the ranting with extreme language by Rush Limbaugh against Sandra Fluke, a student representative serve to remind us that women still have a long way to go before achieving full equal treatment.

Whether it is contraception or abortion, the burden always rests on women, as if there were consequence only for women and nothing at all for men, as if only women need to act responsibly but not men. That partially explains why there are so many single-parent families headed by women, and so many of this type living in poverty.

The assumption behind this belief is erroneous at best, pernicious at worst. It calls for awakening of more women and their continuing fight for more gender equality.

On 1/10/2012, I saw this New Year Resolution at our clinic. I thought it funny, though it suffers from lack of specification. I add my comments in brackets.

(1) Lose weight (how many pounds)
(2) Exercise more (how much more, 3 times per week?)
(3) Drink more water (how many cups?)
(4) Quit smoking
(5) Go to bed earlier (how earlier?)
(6) Pay off credit cards
(7) Phone mom (how frequent)
(8) Remember birthdays (nice thought)

Yesterday was the first day of the dragon year. I went to work as usual without expecting anything out of ordinary. We had a site initiation meeting at another location. So I didn’t get to my office until 10 AM.

The first email came from a friend of mine from another clinic, wishing me happy new year and asking me how I would celebrate it. It simply warmed my heart when I heard from a friend whom I have not contacted for a long time. I also felt guilty when I thought how often I fail to remember friends especially during holidays. We had a few email exchanges like old friends, though it has been a long time since our last exchange.

In the evening, two friends called, making the day more like a festival. I let myself indulged in a chatting mood. Later, a friend came over for the same purpose, with some gifts. I was simply speechless, feeling even more unworthy.

Now, I truly feel that no festival is complete without a bunch of friends, who are thinking of you and sending you good wishes, just as a good friend of mine said “Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you know they are always there.”

This is from a friend of mine back in Ohio years. Here’s my translation.
“My heart is filled with joy when the festival is drawing near and the days are full of parties, with year end bonus, colorful gift box, and the children coming home. I feel nothing but content and grateful when we all sit around for family dinner, when we play ping-pong or games, when I hear children’s footsteps going up and down the stairs or their laughter in their chasing around…, even though everything is pretty much the same as last year.”

Now when my son and his girl friend came back, I feel exactly the same simple content and pure gratitude that she feels over her children’s return.

Another New Year kicks in with another new resolution, nothing dramatic any more. Yes, we have this brand new resolution because we always want to be a better person today than we were yesterday, last year, last decade, which is only yesterday.

I keep New Year Resolution short and lean not because it is not important but because it comes so quickly that I feel it happened only yesterday when I wrote one for last year and the year before last.

Still, I try to treat it as an epoch-making event at least in my life for this time of the year, the time point to reflect upon the road thus covered and the path ahead. I know it is important as long as I treat it as such and will act upon it.

Both of my children have worked out their resolutions for the new year. Instead of going through the motion of writing, I have noticed that it has become a thought-provoking process for them as they become mature. I have no doubt that they will greatly benefit from it after they have learned to be responsible for the promises they make to themselves.

On 11/17/2010, last Wednesday, nearly one week before Thanksgiving, I started the day at SW clinic at 6:30 AM and ended at SM one. I had to stay late in the office trying to wrap up many things as I would not go back to SM until after Thanksgiving week. I needed to go to our west clinic on Thursday and SW clinic on Friday and off the whole Thanksgiving week. Anyway, the day seemed long and tiresome. I had to drag my feet out of the office.

When I drove back home, an uncomfortable feeling crept up as it was gloomily dark and cold and wet with rain. The thought of a warmly-lit home was very attractive. On the way back I noticed some construction workers still hard at work on the highway, under this weather condition.

The sight of these people brought immediate relief to whatever uncomfortable feeling that I might have at the moment. I bet they would rather be in my shoes in this early winter evening. I remember a Chinese couple living 5 blocks from our house don’t return home until after 10 PM everyday for over a decade, the husband working at a Chinese restaurant and the wife at a grocery store. Sometimes, it takes some comparison to be thankful and to realize how blessed we are.

I sent this picture to a colleague of mine, challenging her to come up with 10 things that she is thankful. She is a cheerful soul, a joy to be around. I wanted to know how she can keep her cheerful mood all the time. She replied, “Yes, I can think of more than ten — My family, Freedom, Home, Food, Car, Job, Health, Co-workers, Friends, Clean water to drink, Paved roads, Air we breath, Electricity, Gas, Oil, Schools, Electronics, Astronauts, Military”

I am so glad I have asked. So I learn her ingredients of being happy and cheerful. Indeed, there are so many things that we take for granted in our daily life and seldom count our blessings for their presence.

A friend of mine at work sent me this list, “Family, Friends, Communication, Laughter, Memory, my home, animals, technology, transportation, love.” Here are mine, “family, friends, my health, wisdom, maturity, intellectual power, and ability to articulate intelligently, ability to lift up spirit for others when needed, and the mood and ability to appreciate the beauty of this world.” In fact, we will have a gathering with a family friend this weekend.

Thanksgiving allows us the time to stop, reflect and be grateful for all that we have. Hopefully, we can do this exercise more often so that we will be more content with what we have instead of longing for more and more, especially in the month following Thanksgiving.

PS. I am thankful for my daughter. Very often, when everybody, except me, is at the table over some delicious food, my daughter always calls out, “Mom, come and eat.”

This is the 25th moon cake festival that I spent in America, of course away from my family in Beijing. There are tens of thousands of Chinese here in America, who are like me, doing whatever entertaining for ourselves on this day. Good thing the festival of this year falls on a weekend.

We have invited a Chinese family, whom we have known back in Ohio in 1993, for a dumpling get-together. They bring moon cakes and we prepare some dishes; their eldest one is the same age as my youngest one. Both of them go to volunteer at the same community service center on Saturday morning. My friend in New York told me they would have a little party today with the girl that both of us know of.

My daughter called her brother, giving him good wishes on moon cake day. He was in a meeting.

I am sure most of us once in a while feel the same way as the poem very well describes. Yet, as thousands of our country folks here, we are so resilient and we can always create a home away from home and enjoy each other’s company on occasions like this.

Today is Chinese New Year. The little nephew asked me to do something special on this day. He must be thinking of the Spring Festival in China. “Not a holiday not in US. We only have day off on holidays defined here, like Thanksgiving, Xmas, US Labor Day, US National Day, etc. We have to do in Rome as Romans do.” I explained to him. My children all grew up here without experiencing any Spring Festival celebrations, a part of Chinese culture that they had missed.

In fact, the bi-cultural children miss more than this. We do not celebrate the traditional holidays that average Americans entertain, like Thanksgiving and Xmas, even though we have day off on these occasions. Yet we cannot celebrate Chinese holidays when we have to work and kids have to go to school. On the invite-grandparent-to-school day, my children could only see other people’s grandparents but never their own. My daughter used to ask me for grandparents. “They are all in China, if they are still alive.” Yes, they grew up with only two parents and no aunts and uncles and grands, so much deprived in term of relatives.

After my son left for college, he made friends with some Asian students there and started enjoying those Chinese holidays there with these friends, having much more fun there than at home. I am glad he is bilingual in term of speaking and listening, which facilitate his interactions with other Chinese at school. It would comfort me a lot if this might compensate to some extent for whatever missed in his childhood at home.

Call me hopelessly optimistic or idealistic if you will.  How I hate myself for sounding so corny.  Besides, my memory might fail me occasionally when I quote from that part of my brain.  Still, I cannot help sharing this Christmas gift suggestions with the readers. 
 
To your enemy, your forgiveness.
To an opponent, your tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, your service.
To all, your charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect. 
             -Oren Arnold

To my readers, much more than the sum of all the above…

It is holiday season now with talks about presents and shopping all the time in the office. Although I do not go with the flow, I am not a party-pooper either.  Plus, I would not want to miss this chance to express good wishes.

Therefore, I gave some Xmas colors self-made origami products to some people in other department whom I see on daily basis. I distributed a bottle of chocolate candies to those whom I have contact with, not a regular chocolates but a rather deluxe ones.  Not too much but a little gesture.

I have found this practice of giving away a little something since I came to this company. People never give anything big or expensive.  It would make your look like a fool if you give lavishly.

I gave one colleague a Xmas card with a cloisonne-lid mirror, although I doubt if she understands what art it is involved in the making.  I feel like “Do in Rome as Romans do,” on the surface, though.