I can imagine he must have a good time back to Boston meeting his old friends there. Most important he really enjoys the freedom of his bachelor’s life and his well-earned financial independence.

My son reminds me of someone here in America, who has turned 27 and still lives with his parents. I bet he must have had too much good time at high school and has not earned enough freedom when he is approaching 30.

I heard a lot of this year’s black Friday shopping. I remember some people at my office planning to start the shopping rush early in the morning.

For me, this year’s black Friday is no different from last year and the year before. I shall not buy anything that I don’t need, simply because it is cheap. I will spend some time with my children, especially my son who will leave for New York early next morning.

When I have some time and energy left, I shall continue cleaning the house today.

We often take things for granted in our lives, even with friendship. Friends are not like family members. They have their own careers, obligations and commitments, responsibility with their own families. Very often, they come and go based on their needs.

Hence, it is more difficult for adults to develop and maintain friendship. And that’s why people begin to appreciate friendship more than ever after a decade or two into their marriage life.

For people of all ages, friendship is a precious gift that only we can give to ourselves by being a friend to others. Don’t go through life without it.

(1) Be a good listener (as if you are interested in it).
(2) Show genuine interest in others.
(3) Never hurt people’s feeling
(4) Don’t try to show others that you are smarter than them. Nobody is interested in it.
(5) Make others feel important (just to satisfy people’s vanity).

True great people never act haughty. Instead, they tend to be protective of the weak group.

Friendship means responsibility. Never view it as opportunity, though your act of friendship opens more doors for you.

We talked about cancer and cancer treatment, life and mortality. In reality, we all hold some thought dearly because that thought can satisfy our needs and relieve other negative feelings. It doesn’t matter what that thought is, real or unreal. In his case, while he realizes the inevitability of life, he tries to enjoy the process. For me, it is a different thought.

One is now working in the ministry of foreign affairs; the other used to be there. While listening to their conversation, I was both bored and amazed by the intricacies of power struggle and the total submission of one’s individuality when working there. The one who left could not stand it.

It seems like serving a life sentence to work in that environment. I cannot imagine myself working in that place for long. I was a rebel in my bone when I was young but more inclined to seek peace with the outside world.

If I were put in that situation and had to learn the ropes and the tricks of surviving there, I might become adapted and adept at power struggle. Are we the products of our social and cultural environment or some intrinsic value of our own? I wish people could forever keep something of their own no matter where they are, without total adaptation.

This is the first time that my daughter left home alone. On the way to the airport, I kept pumping advices into her. Of course, safety is always my top concern. Next, take good care of yourself so that you don’t get sick.

This is what I kept telling both of them — you have your parents when you are at home, but away from home, you will have to count on your friends if you are in need of help. That means you must make some friends after you leave home. Create your own circles. Parents cannot be with you all the time.

I still remember when my 17-year-old son returned home from Russia, safe and sound, excited and full of words about his experience. Hopefully, through this experience, my daughter will make a big step forward in terms of maturity, independence, and responsibility.

(b) Make a list. Think about people you want to contact regularly. Then, follow through.

(c) Volunteer. Working side by side for a cause may lead to a lasting bond.

(d) Join a group. Find something that intrigues you — maybe that’s a pottery class or a hiking club.

(e) Connect online. Few things beat in-person contact. But, you might also give social networking a try. It can be a good way to reconnect with old friends — and find people with common interests. However, be cautious — and, think twice before sharing any personal information online.

You call an old friend just to say hello. Rather than eating alone, you join a colleague for lunch. You hug your sister. As ordinary as they might seem, connections like these have real power. They can improve your life — and protect your health.

If anxiety or shyness prevents you from making friends, do reach out for help.

Research shows that a strong network of friends and family can help you:

(1) Live longer. Men and women with close social ties are 50 percent less likely to die prematurely than isolated individuals, according to a review of 148 studies.

(2) Feel happier. According to one study, having satisfying relationships was a key difference between very content people and less happy ones.

(3) Be healthier. Lonely adults appear to be more prone to high blood pressure and other health conditions, such as depression and dementia, as well.

Here are suggestions made by the author.
To be continued…

Dreams are feathers. They are angel’s white wings, enabling your soul to soar in the blue sky. Without your knowing it, your feathers of dreams could be plucked out, one by one, from you through your daily trivial routines, until eventually the day comes when you find yourself dreamless, carrying out daily business like everybody else. Hence, take care of your dreams. With dreams, you are an angel. That defines your uniqueness.

It has become a custom for us to either invite friends to come over or go to friends’ house for a gathering. When Spring Festival falls on weekday, the party will be held on the following weekend.

This year is no exception. Yesterday we spent the evening with a family friend and had a nice time chatting over self-cooked food. The topics over dinner table were politics, parenting, and Amy Chua’s Battle Hymn book, all of which were my favorites.

His experience made me think of my encounter with a college classmate early last year when I went back to China. To be sure, it had been ages since we saw each other. But for some reason, probably out of his legal profession, when I called him, he sounded cold and suspicious of my motive, as if I were going to ask him for some favor or to take advantage of his position. When we met in Massachusetts back in 1987, he was still a student, friendly as before. People change beyond belief!

I wonder what Emily Dickinson had to say about this type of people. Estates are easy to find, but not true friends.

One focus: all focus on health
Two fundamentals: do not take things seriously
Three facts to forgets: forget your age; forget the past; forget grievances

Four must-have: no matter how strong or weak one is, one must have someone who loves one, good friends, a promising career, and a cozy dwelling.

Five dos: sing, dance, self-decorating, laugh and slim

Six do-nots:
eat before you feel hungry;
drink before you feel thirsty;
sleep before you feel sleepy;
rest before you feel tired;
have annual physical checkup before you feel sick;
go for your dream before you are old and regretful!

Live your own life, eye on yourself instead of others
Take less salt, more vinegar; play less mahjong, walk more
Keep a regular bedtime. Jog, dance and exercise
You won’t run out of money as long as you can eat.
Fear not you earn little. Fear you die early.
No matter how high your position is, you won’t escape an expiration
Treat yourself nice; enjoy life
Don’t walk shoulder by shoulder if you can go hand-in-hand;
Don’t do hand-in-hand if you can hug each other
Don’t separate if you can be together
When most people watch how high you climb, only a few care about your health. And that is friendship.

One must have a strong will and an adamant determination to pull oneself away from one’s family and the familiar environment all by oneself. I was thinking of this again on Monday afternoon on my way back from work, driving the same highway as I did on weekend from the airport, the same feeling of sadness attacking me once more.

The whole experience brings to my mind Viktor Frankl’s book Man’s Search for Meaning, in which he says that he who knows the “why” for his existence will be able to bear almost any “how.” Like all major life changes that we either choose to make or are forced to go through, if we can give meaning to our experience, no matter how drastic the change may seem, we can endure whatever it may take, overcome obstacles, adjust ourselves to the new environment, and eventually emerge from this change a new and stronger individual. We have to be motivated by some transcendental, larger-than-life meanings that we can give to this experience. Let it be an encouragement to my friend, myself and all that I care.

As with most gatherings with Chinese friends, the topic of conversation centered largely on the challenge of parenting. Every time I am with other Chinese parents, I am impressed and deeply touched by the love and devotion of these parents to the future and the wellbeing of their youngsters. Alas, parents with the best intentions are found nearly everywhere, but those getting the desired results are not as often seen, which only tells us that parenting demands way more than love, care, and money. It takes so much to bring up a mature and responsible individual.

I heard a parent just equipped her elementary school child with a laptop and cellphone, a classic example of showering too much love without considering the consequence. When we attempt to discipline our children, isn’t it true that we should discipline ourselves first?

Above all, instead of asking our children to appreciate what we have given to them, we should remind ourselves of the joy and blessing that the children have brought to our lives, that it is a privilege for the parents to be given the opportunity to care for them, to grow with them and to be there when they need us. If we can appreciate what we have today, we won’t feel the hurt of regret tomorrow when what we have is gone.

This New Year…..
Mend a quarrel.
Seek out a forgotten friend.
Write a love letter.
Share some treasure.
Give a soft answer.
Encourage youth.
Keep a promise.
Find the time.
Forgive an enemy.
Listen.
Apologize if you were wrong.
Think first of someone else.
Be kind and gentle.
Laugh a little. Laugh a little more.
Express your gratitude.
Gladden the heart of a child.
Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth.
Speak your love. Speak it again.
Speak it still once again.

I always remember this episode as I thought to myself at that time, “You can cheat your husband and even everybody in the world, but you cannot cheat yourself. You cannot cheat your life. In the end, you hurt yourself most by this self-deceiving behavior. It is your time and your life that you game away. So foolish!”

When we met nearly a decade later, she commented how lucky I was with job, degree and two children while she had none. It is not the matter of luck. Each of us is given equal amount of time. How much can we expect to get out of our time with this self-deceiving behavior? Not much. Life is so precious. Don’t shortchange yourself with cheap games.

P.S. tomorrow morning I will leave for China for a 20-day visit. There are mountains of things that I need to attend on this last day. Already feeling exhausted inside out.

I threw up this question to my friend, who returned “The past memory were sweet and bitter. For sb the bitter part was more than sweet one, so they choose to ignore. I used to ask the same question and That is my thought.”

I agree with his bitter-sweet memory explanation since those young and stupid years seems so unflattering that some choose to ignore, as if avoiding further contact with the past will erase it from their memory.

Now that I read his input, I can come up with more possible explanations. People are either too lazy to contact or are not interested in getting in touch or cannot attach any value to these contact or are too busy with their own lives to care about anything else. Or we changed so much that our past experience has become totally irrelevant to us now.

This reminds me of an instance that occurred upon my son’s high school graduation. His friends voted him as the least likely to come back for high school homecoming. I thought it was because most of his classmates stayed local and he went farthest from his Kansas home. As it stands now, I am sure he won’t come back once we move out of this place.