Today is International Women’s Day, the day to celebrate the rising social and economic status of women world wide. The day was first marked among socialist countries and later widely accepted globally, with the exception of the U.S. A big tribute to this day is Kathryn Bigelow, the first woman to win the best directing Oscar, as her Iraq war drama The Hurt Locker took six prizes, including best film.

Last weekend was warm and nice. I had previously bought some plants and seeds and had given them my tender loving care.

I find gardening the most relaxing activity of all. No stress, no yelling, and no embarrassment. I can talk to the plants without the fear of saying something wrong, a feeling of safe with Mother Nature.

That’s why gardening is one of my favorite activities for weekend.

We had a a personality type test at office. I never took it before so I was curious to learn the result. I learned that I have type A personality. Well, nice to know A comes before B, so it should be better than anything comes after it. That was my first reaction. As I read more, I realize it is not very far from truth.

People with type A personality are said to be characterized by an exaggerated sense of time urgency, competitiveness, anger and hostility. People who share certain characteristics with you are often concerned with the acquisition of objects and generally dissatisfied with the world, including oneself. These people don’t know how and when to relax. People probably get tense around type A people, and they tend to feel threatened in presence of type A folks.

I like some part of it and I realize I need to make some changes. That is, people with type A personality need to learn to be Type B or C or anything un-A. The following is the advice given to type A person — Continuous stress and allowing unexpressed feelings to pile up are not good for your health. You should start learning how to relax, to let go, and enjoy life. Try to take it easy and be lazy sometimes. Yes, how people love to be lazy. Not on this wonderful Saturday.

The world is so much richer because of these different types of people and the endless mixtures of various types.

Below are the captions of a powerpoint slide show of the cutest animals sent to me by a friend of mine on the eve of this past New Year. I didn’t have time to go through the slide until now. Yes, I know how much I can put off things. It is already the end of February, still I find it worthwhile posting here. Don’t attempt to try them all. You will deserve a gold medal if you can achieve at least one or two of your goals in any new year!

1. Practice A New Sport
2. Accept New Challenges
3. Dare To Be Different
4. Freshen Up Your Ideas
5. Take Care of Your Looks
6. Learn Another Language
7. Forget Your Troubles
8. Make Peace with Life and People
9. Fall in Love
10. Enjoy Nature
11. Make New Friends
12. Learn New Things
13. Dream!
14. Update Your Wardrobe
15. Listen to Your Elders
16. Laugh a Lot, and Above All, Smile at Life
17. Sing from The Heart
18. Kiss Like You Mean It
19. Take A Bubble Bath
20. Be Curious & Show Some Initiative
21. Have Fun With Your Friends
22. Cautious with Danger
23. Send Emails To Your Friends
24. Relax And Enjoy Yourself After A Hard Day’s Work

“Oops,” there goes one of the biggest blunders in sporting history. As the world watched the nearly unprecedented mistake committed by Sven Kramer of Dutch in men’s 10,000-meter speedskating on 2/23/2010, we were absorbed for a moment by utter be-wilderness, disbelief and then a sad feeling of loss for this world-record holder.

Kramer, when he heard his coach crying “inside lane,” most stupidly switched to the inner lane instead of the outer lane just past the midway point of the race and was thus disqualified for lane violation, gracefully leaving gold medal to Korea’s Lee Seung-Hoon and enabling Russia’s Ivan Skobrev to be promoted to the silver.

The 23-year-old Kramer’s explanation — “I’m furious. Usually, I don’t want to blame anyone else, but this time I can’t do anything else,” “I wanted to go on the outer lane then just before the cone, Gerard KEMKERS shouted ‘inner lane,’ I thought he’s probably right and went to the inner lane.” “At first I thought my skates passed the cone on the wrong side, I will be disqualified. Then I noticed in the stadium something was wrong.” “You have to decide in a split second. Afterwards I should have gone with my own thoughts, but I was brought into doubt. This really sucks – it’s a really expensive mistake.”

“It is pretty hard now,” Kramer said. “I was on my way to make the right decision and right before the corner I changed my decision because of the advice from the (coach). At the end of the day, it is my responsibility. I am the skater on the ice, I have to do it.” There’s his courage!

Event in sports where physical quality is of top importance, a good head is still the key to making a wise judgment. As Ivan Skobrev of Russia put it, “It is not only about how strong you are. It is how your head is in the race. He made a mistake. That’s his fault.”

As with everything in our lives, if we mess up and make a mistake, blame no one else but ourselves. Pick yourself up, learn a lesson and move on.

Last Saturday evening we went to a friend’s house for this year’s Spring Festival Eve gathering, trying to create a feeling of home-away-from-home, thanks to the hospitality of this friend of mine.

As with most gatherings with Chinese friends, the topic of conversation centered largely on the challenge of parenting. Every time I am with other Chinese parents, I am impressed and deeply touched by the love and devotion of these parents to the future and the wellbeing of their youngsters. Alas, parents with the best intentions are found nearly everywhere, but those getting the desired results are not as often seen, which only tells us that parenting demands way more than love, care, and money. It takes so much to bring up a mature and responsible individual.

I heard a parent just equipped her elementary school child with a laptop and cellphone, a classic example of showering too much love without considering the consequence. When we attempt to discipline our children, isn’t it true that we should discipline ourselves first?

Above all, instead of asking our children to appreciate what we have given to them, we should remind ourselves of the joy and blessing that the children have brought to our lives, that it is a privilege for the parents to be given the opportunity to care for them, to grow with them and to be there when they need us. If we can appreciate what we have today, we won’t feel the hurt of regret tomorrow when what we have is gone.

I must jot it down before I forget. While I was in China, I heard this more than once during numerous conversations with family members.

I love it. Not because I don’t have a kind heart and am in dire need of it. But because I cannot maintain a kind heart when dealing with people I don’t like or someone that hurt me in the past or someone I perceive unfavorably.

A kind heart can dissolve any discomfort or animosity that you might feel toward other fellow beings. A kind heart guarantees you a peace of mind. A kind heart uplifts your spirit to an angelical level.

With a kind heart, you are ready to wish people well, to tolerate people of all kinds, and to forgive any perceived injustices done on you.

I have a mountain of good words for having a kind heart. Trust me. It can work wonders in you. This is especially written for my children.

This is from our company day before Thanksgiving of 2009. I planned to have it posted here, but forgot it. Now I read it again and still think it too good to let go. Here you are.

“Count your blessing instead of your crosses
Count your gains instead of your losses
Count your joys instead of your woes
Count your friends instead of your foes
Count your smiles instead of your tears
Count your courage instead of your fears
Count your full years instead of your lean years
Count your kindness instead of your meanness
Count your health instead of your wealth
…”

It has been a few days after I arrived home on 1/8/10. I spent a great deal of time chatting within family, interesting and thought-provoking at times. Here are some of my thoughts and observations that I think it worthwhile to share with my children.

(1) The only unconditional love that you can expect and experience in your life is the one from your parents. Parents are too ready to forget and forgive any wrongdoings of their children, and giving and loving without a thought of any return. On the other hand, other type of love, especially the one behind the forming of a marriage is the most fragile one, regardless how beautiful that kind of love is cherished and articulated. That is why one in two marriages in America ends up in divorce and we see this trend happening in China now.

(2) It is interesting to notice two of my cousins, brothers to each other, are going farther apart because of their different social-economic status, with one being a factory worker, the other being a mid-level manager. True meaningful happiness and interactions, even among siblings, are seldom maintained between people of unequal footing. So sadly true.

(3) Let go of control because the more you control with your tight fist, the less you will find in your hand. I never realize its importance until after I have learned more about one of my relative’s family. It actually makes sense regarding any type of human relations.

(4) Treat others the way you want to be treated. Or “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I am not sure if it is written in Bible or some kind of classic reading. I keenly feel there is so much wisdom in this saying yet so easily forgotten in real life.

I love truth just as I love hamburger and pizza because they give you fat and energy in this cold winter Beijing.

P.S. I miss my children greatly, especially when we talked about their time in China during their childhood.

When I was talking with the newly-arrived relative about her son’s coming to America in May 2006, both of us believed it was beneficial to the young man in the long run in terms of his life’s experience and his maturity, even though it might not make economic sense as he sees one of his cousins started working right after college and has started building up wealth and seniority.

In the large context of a person’s life, this young man’s coming to America can be interpreted as imbarking upon a journey, a long-enduring theme in a literary work both in western and Chinese cultures. It is a journey to a faraway land in the quest of adventure, excitement, something new and better, through which the hero will eventually achieve the final triumph after repeated conquests over evils, devils and diverse adversities.

Very often, in the process of this journey, when the challenge is too overwhelmed, the protagonist inevitably suffers from the agony of setback and failures, to the point he/she even entertains moments of doubt and question. “It might be an unwise move to take on this journey,” or “After all, what is the meaning of it all?” — cropping up these questions.

In the case of those who embark the journey to America, the adversity presents itself in the form of unfamiliar language and the total social and cultural environment. Again, like the heroes in traditional journey novels, final triumph belongs to those who overcome all adversities in the land. I am fortunate to personally know numerous Chinese who have achieved high and great through this exciting journey. Again as for all epics, final triumph belongs to the brave and diligent.

Today the house is strangely empty, a nice break though. My daughter resumes school and my son goes back to college. Two relatives are out in the Southeast touring the States for one week. Less housework, less cooking, less noise, another kind of blessing.

I am so glad that my son made a winter break plan and made efforts to follow through. For both of my children, I have to emphasize this again — No plan means plan to fail. If we don’t want to fail, we always plan ahead.

Here’s the New Year Resolution of one person.
(1) Complete phase I of the project and start phase II this year
(2) Exercise at least three times every week
(3) Continue looking for better ways working with the youngsters
(4) Continue working on self-improvement

Here’s one from another person from my work place:
(1) Lose 25 pounds
(2) Save 10 percent for each paycheck
(3) Exercise daily

I never forget one of my colleagues in 2005 before I moved to the clinic site. She blamed all of her relatives for her obesity when I observed with a silent horror how she devoured a whole huge chocolate cake. I see this blaming game all the time, including myself. It is almost natural for most people to shift responsibilities to others when something undesirable happens. On the other hand, it is sorely funny that we maximize the power of others when things go wrong and celebrate that of our own and give ourselves full credit when things go wonderfully. What a great shame!

For many of my dear friends, when we make excuses for not taking good care of ourselves, we know deep in our heart that we are responsible for ourselves and there is absolutely no excuse for failing in taking care of ourselves first. We are the ones who fail.

Here’s one from C. Darwin, “A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.“

The New Year’s day is gone like a flash. Now day after New Year, I am thinking of implementing New Year Resolution. To be sure, we all have one for this year, just as we did for the past few years.

This is what has happened at my office, which makes me think again. A few days before New Year, I heard a few colleagues of mine talked about weight control starting right after New Year. “I will start over with a clean slate with the New Year.” It sounds a bit ridiculous when you think of the fact that if they start controlling their food intake during holiday season and gain less weight, they will have a relatively less weight to lose after the New Year. I can find no reason for not starting weight control right now.

“New Year New Me.” I heard this kind of talk too often to believe it, especially from my children. Experience has told me that chances are they won’t stick to it for long. Because New Year is a once-a-year occasion and self-discipline and self-improvement are constant nonstop demand on ourselves, a long term commitment that recognizes no time frame and no spacial limit.

For anyone who wants to make a change to his life, there is no better time to start than this very moment.

P.S. last night we went to a friend’s house for New Year’s day dinner — another extra load of food for the holiday season. This is the last weekend before my son leaves for college and before I leave for a 20-day trip to China.

Enjoy the last day of the first decade of the 21 century.
This is written on the eve of the New Year for my children and for all of my dear friends and relatives. My children hear me repeatedly pounding into their heads the value of time and they still act as if they didn’t know they were 14 or 15 only once.

The story goes like this. A man is suddenly gripped by the desire to learn drawing. But he cannot make up his mind. Hence, he goes to ask a primary school teacher, “You see, I will be 44 years in 4 years. Do you think I can learn it?”

“Why not? You will be 44 years old in 4 years even if you don’t learn drawing,” is the answer. Indeed, time flies even if you don’t learn or do anything. Just as flowers will blossom, even if nobody pays attention to them.

People seldom save time with the same zest as they save money and other tangible valuables. Common sense seems to give them the illusion that time come by freely and endless of it without their ever putting an effort, but they have to earn money which is gone and spent so fast. Alas, people seldom realize the fact that while they can earn money but time, once gone, is lost forever. No amount of gold can get back a second of it.

Once again, I have this for my children — show me how you use your time and I will show you your future.

When I shared with my friend my thought on issue touched on 12/16/2009, my friend suggested that very often we do good thing without enough passion. Exactly so. When I told my children to live a life that’s worth living, find your passion and go for it with full speed, we ourselves have not provided a good model for them in this aspect.

Look at our own lives, do we exemplify the kind of life that we expect our children to live? No. I am not content with my current position, neither are many people that I know of. Just look at our New Year Resolutions at the end of each year. At best, my life consists of many dreams, goals, tons of efforts to advance and to overcome any adversities, and then is often followed by a series of compromise and another compromise.

All we can say is we try our best and won’t suffer from regret and guilt when we are old and fragile.

P.S. I talked to a former college classmate last weekend and learned about more of our classmates. The seven of us were roommates for four years. We were young and immensely stupid, yet happy for no reason at all, leaving endless laughter beyond ourselves even after so many years.

My children think I give them too much lectures and pep talks as if they did not need any of them at all. As a matter of fact, we all are not as strong as we would like to be and all need some kind of pep talks in our daily life. Instead of going to church every Sunday, these pep talks strengthen us up so that we can be able to shoulder our responsibilities.

Just last Friday afternoon a high school classmate of mine called from California. I was home already while she was still working. I told her of my work schedule, up at 6 AM and back around 3 PM, feeling exhausted before the day ends. Still, I need to drag my feet till midnight. Sometimes I feel my legs are giving away. She feels the same way. I am sure many responsible parents are doing exactly the same thing for their children.

I often recall to my daughter how difficult life was when my son was small and I was working on my dissertation and teaching for money and how I managed to beat the deadline each time and accomplished what I started for.

With motivation and positive thinking, you need to be equipped with certain mental toughness to tide you through any adversities in order to reach your goal. This toughness is what we all need.

During the weekend of 12/5/2009, after my daughter left SAT test center at SME, we went to Whole Foods, where she ordered a tiny small cup of gelato and started consuming it. Before we checked out, she had completely finished it. We could just trash the container without paying for it. She left the store first. When I returned to the car, she asked me, “Did you pay for gelato?” I showed her the receipt. “Good,” said she. That was an expensive little cup. Much as I hated it, I still paid for it because I knew I should. Next, our conversation turned to this subject.

There is a difference between these two attitudes — (1) You think it a good thing and you do it because you want to do the good. (2) You think it a good thing and you do it because you think you should. Very often we adopt the second attitude and still believe we are good persons. Actually we are not as good as we believe. If we are really good, we should love doing the good thing regardless of should-or-should-not.

In essence, a little bit self-reflection often serves to curb our overblown ego. Yes, self-reflection seems so incongruous to this commercialized religious holiday. We had a friend family coming over just to catch up with each other. Nothing commercial and nothing religious.

Five days have passed since the arrival of one of our relatives from China and so much have unfolded before me and so many puzzles have been answered, at least according to me.

So far the first impression has been overwhelmingly positive — warm-hearted, fun to be with, open personality, eager to serve, help and to give advice, hard-working at cooking and cleaning, constantly doing and moving without a moment of stopping, admirably carefree, money-wise, exuding endless energy and enthusiasm, having a wonderful memory for thing she cares most.

In many aspects she provides a sharp contrast in comparison to me. She said I worried too much. “See I don’t even worry one tiny bit even when my son is nearly 30, no job, no a girlfriend,” said she. Regardless of what, she remains a proud and upbeat mom. I wish I could be as relaxing and carefree as she is. I wish I were as energetic as she is. I ask myself if I could be this diligent if I were a guest at other’s house. I am not sure if I can be up to the task.

I always believe one of the sure ways to really know a person is to know his/her parents, which throw strong lights on how a person is raised and brought up. There is seldom an exception to this rule. In fact, I told my children not to make any commitment to their significant others before they get to know their parents. In this case, it is interesting to see the young man is almost the exact copy of his mother in his attitude toward life and the whole world view.

So far, I am glad I get to know her better. Or maybe there is other side of her that has not been revealed to me, which is very likely. At least I have come to a better understanding of how her son become what he is now.

This was from a friend of mine, which I am sure is not new to some of the readers. Yet, we all need to be reminded from time to time, especially during holiday seasons.

If you have never experienced the danger of war or the solitude of imprisonment, the agony of torture and hunger, you are much ahead of the 500 million people who live in this world.

If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes to wear, a roof on your head and a place to sleep, you are richer than the 75% of the people who live on this Earth.

If you can go to your place of worship without being threatened, arrested, tortured or killed, you are luckier than the 3000,000,000 persons of this world.

If you have money in your bank account and your wallet and some loose change in some little box, you are one of the world’s 8% well-to-do population.

If you are able to read this message, you have just received a double blessing…one, someone is thinking about you… two, you are not one of those 2000,000,000 people who are illiterate!

Work as if you have no need of the money.
Love as if nobody ever made you suffer.
Dance as if nobody is watching you.
Sing as if nobody is hearing you.
Live as if the Paradise were on this Earth.

Now happy? Indeed, life is so darling.

P.S. the mother of the young man came yesterday evening, jolly and boisterous, an interesting character so different from most of the people that I know of, new experience, sure to provide plenty food for thought and lessons to learn.

I remember once he threw into a huge temper while talking to his mother over the Internet, so mad was he that he smashed his laptop. Luckily the machine was still within its warranty period and he was able to get an exchange for the damage. Both of my children was astonished over his sudden outburst. I asked his mother for the reason of his madness. “I didn’t say anything. I just asked him to study hard.”

Later, the young man told me, “I was studying hard when she asked me to study.” I might never know exactly what happened between them. But I can understand why his mother asked him to study. When she saw his son did not make as much progress as he was expected, she might assume that her son did not study hard enough. The young man was mad because he believed he had already worked hard enough.

I believe the young man was not happy with himself when he had repeatedly failed at TOEFL even if he believed he had already made great efforts. His mother’s words only made things worse. I often think about this incident. If a child is already feeling bad about himself, what a parent should say in this case? Should we say something to make him feel worse or ask the child to open up and tell us what he thinks? Or should we tell the child it is okay to fail as long as he does not stop trying? I don’t think it okay to fail, thus I don’t want to lie to the children.

Honestly, I don’t have answer, but I know I would keep quiet if I don’t have anything positive to say to the child. A tough question and a tough task.

With his mother’s visit, I think of many things about this young relative. He came in May 2006, initially planning to go for a graduate study. Since he wasn’t able to pass TOEFL, he was in a language program till spring of 2008.

In the summer of 2007, when my son and his friend worked on their company, I thought it a good opportunity for him to learn English while working with them. But then it was thought that he should concentrate on his English that summer so that he would be able to pass the exam in August and start a graduate program. If that happened, everybody was happy and we would drive to Boston to send my son to college.

Unfortunately, that did not happen. When he failed the exam again, everybody was in a bad mood, especially the young man’s parents in China. The young man was so mad that he threatened to go back to China immediately. I still don’t understand why he was so mad. His mother talked to me earnestly over the Internet, asking me to talk him out of this back-to-China idea. He took one more semester of language that fall and was able to get through the beginning of the next year. It seems like yesterday. And my son is already the third year college student.

It was two years since he enrolled in this graduate program. It will be four years by next May since his arrival here. Now his mother is coming to celebrate his graduation.

The division of labor in the pre-modern family demands wives to play an overall care-taker role to all family members when men work or fight or hunt outside and women stay home snugly. Men have a very rough day outside, bringing home food, protecting women and children with their muscle and bravery. They come back home expecting safe, care and even pampering by their wives whose mission of life is to serve.

In modern time, technology and education equip women with equal ability and opportunity to work and compete, when muscle and bravery are not required in nearly all decent-pay jobs. With high divorce rate, women find it necessary to be economically independent. Moreover, given equal opportunities and education, many women work outside not only for more financial security but seeking personal fulfillment. Hence, the traditional role of women as care-giver in the family is not applicable any more. With everything being equal, modern family should emphasize mutual respect, understanding and loving care to each other.

However, this traditional role of women is still emphasized today in that women are expected to serve and pamper their husbands as if it were okay for men to behave like children in the family and never needed to mature and grow up. Who cares how much stress it would be on women when they have to tough it out both at work in business world and at home, babying their husbands. Indeed, isn’t it true that women are supposed to be super-beings, taking care of their career, their children’s education and upbringing, and their big husband-child when most likely this “big child” is even older than the wife-mother! Yes, young wives are so much desirable among old men. Luckily, this is not difficult to achieve for most of women.

I sent this picture to a colleague of mine, challenging her to come up with 10 things that she is thankful. She is a cheerful soul, a joy to be around. I wanted to know how she can keep her cheerful mood all the time. She replied, “Yes, I can think of more than ten — My family, Freedom, Home, Food, Car, Job, Health, Co-workers, Friends, Clean water to drink, Paved roads, Air we breath, Electricity, Gas, Oil, Schools, Electronics, Astronauts, Military”

I am so glad I have asked. So I learn her ingredients of being happy and cheerful. Indeed, there are so many things that we take for granted in our daily life and seldom count our blessings for their presence.

A friend of mine at work sent me this list, “Family, Friends, Communication, Laughter, Memory, my home, animals, technology, transportation, love.” Here are mine, “family, friends, my health, wisdom, maturity, intellectual power, and ability to articulate intelligently, ability to lift up spirit for others when needed, and the mood and ability to appreciate the beauty of this world.” In fact, we will have a gathering with a family friend this weekend.

Thanksgiving allows us the time to stop, reflect and be grateful for all that we have. Hopefully, we can do this exercise more often so that we will be more content with what we have instead of longing for more and more, especially in the month following Thanksgiving.

PS. I am thankful for my daughter. Very often, when everybody, except me, is at the table over some delicious food, my daughter always calls out, “Mom, come and eat.”

At this moment, the blind man smiles, turned to the Angel, saying, “Finally I bring my dog to the Heaven. What I am worried most is he doesn’t wanted to go to Heaven, just wants to be with me. That’s why I want to make this decision for him. Please take care of him.” The Angel was dumbfounded.

The blind man looks at his dog with a longing eye, saying “This is the best way to get him to Heaven. He will be in Heaven if I tell him to go a few step further. Yet, he has been with me for so many years and this is the first time that I ever see him, I wish I could have more time watching him. That’s why I have walked so slowly. I would like watching him forever, but he should go to Heaven now. Please take care of him.”

With that, the blind man tells the dog to go ahead. The second the dog reaches the gate, his master heads down to the Hell as light as a feather. Seeing this, the dog makes a sharp turn and chases his master. The Angel, eaten with deep remorse, attempts at catching the dog. But the dog with the purest and kindest soul in the world runs faster than the Angel. Eventually and happily he is with his master again, protecting him even in Hell, leaving the Angel behind who realizes the two souls are forever inseparable.

The story is so lovely and touching. I am as speechless as the Angel, not this one though.

Thanks to a dear friend of mine for this interesting story.

Once upon a time, there are a blind man and his guide dog. Both of them, being hit by a truck, died tragically. As they were on their way to Heaven, an angel stopped them with this,
“There is only one spot in Heaven, therefore one of you must go to Hell.”
“Since my dog does not understand the meaning of Heaven, can I decide on his behalf?” the blind man asks.
“No, all souls are equal,” says the Angel with contempt. “We decide this through a race, whoever reach the gate first can go to Heaven. Now that you are dead, you won’t be blind any more. He who has the purest soul and kindest heart goes fastest.” says the angel.

Thus starts the race. The angel thought the blind man would make a desperate dash to the gate. But the opposite turns out to be true. The blind man walks slowly. And surprisingly, the guide dog walks by his master at an equal snail pace. It suddenly dawns on the Angel that the guide dog, being in his profession for so many years, has got into the habit of being closeby its master. Even worse, this devilish master takes advantage of his dog’s loyalty. When they are near to the end, he will tell his dog to stop, then he will be the first to reach the gate. The angel feels sorry for the dog, calling out loudly, “You have devoted all your life to your master. He is not blind now and does not need your guide. Run, run to the gate.”

As if her words fall on deaf ears, both of them walk as slowly as before, just like they were walking on a street. Exactly as the angel has expected, as they are just a few steps from the Heaven’s gate, the master tells his dog to sit. The angel looks at the master with aversion, … expecting the worst will happen.
To be continued…

Another busy weekend rushed by.
As usual, Saturday morning was devoted to community service. Well spent. Afternoon saw me trying to catch up with some work left from the weekday, like paying bills, going to library, doing some groceries shopping. Sunday afternoon was reserved for figure-skating.

Last Friday evening, I took my daughter to Barnes & Noble’s bookstore and stayed there till it closed. After we got back home, I called my relative in China again talking about child education. We were so amazed that children take so much after their parents.

You can almost say that whatever parents are, so are the children. Well, with exceptions, of course. A mother loves cooking and the same hobby is found in her child. My relative said she was pretty much home-bound, as if she were under self-imposed invisible home arrest, never having wandered afar. Now she saw herself in her child, who upon graduation prefers to stay closeby. Whereas I never hesitated leaving home for anywhere I need to, no matter how far it was, so is my son who went to Russia in his third year of high school, then to South Africa in college, next planning to venture into another unfamiliar land, being eager to have new experience.

I would not say it is genetic. Rather, the children are products of multiple social and cultural factors — our life experience (living example), their upbringing, the socializing process heavily influenced by the people they contact with on daily basis. Yesterday, I talked to my daughter again about the movie Precious (2009). See my October 5th, 2009 posting on this. The movie is very disturbing as we see the undesirable consequence of bad parenting and environment in the protagonist of the movie. It is not that the children take after their parents, but that the parents bring up the children using their own actions and life experience.

This is too funny to be passed without sharing — A happy ending or a justice has done with a modern twist. You have all heard of this ancient story of golden ax. This time it is thimble that slips into the river by accident. The tailor’s cry touches God who first retrieves a gold one with precious pearl, to which she negates, next a silver one with jade, turns down again. In the end, for her honesty, she is rewarded with three thimbles — gold, silver and her own bronze one.

A few years later while the tailor and her husband walk by the river, her husband slips into river by accident and is going to drown. God shows up again upon hearing her cry. He fishes out a famous male movie star, to which the woman claims as her husband. “You lie! He is not your husband!” the angry God said. “God, please forgive me for lying. I have to lie because you will fish out another big movie star if I don’t lie. I am not strong. I will be exhausted to death if I have to serve three men.” God accepts her reasoning and get her husband back.

Suddenly the husband pushes his wife into river and asks God, “I am strong, please get my wife back.” To which, he is punished with three women, supposedly being the most unwelcome ones.

Last Saturday 10/24, while my daughter was doing volunteer service, I went to the bank, then to a Sprint store for a problem with my cell phone. The person who served me was extremely nice and kind, explaining to me some technical details about cell phone and radio frequency safety. After that, I asked him if he was a technician. Yes, he was. No wonder he was so clear in his explanation. Thus happily I left the store.

Later my daughter and I went to Sutherland to buy a box of apples. As we left the place, my daughter left a negative comment on the customer service of the store. “People don’t even bother to talk to you when I ask a question.”

I reflected upon these experiences. The technician at Sprint store could have saved a lot of breath by not saying anything to me, not even a “hi.” Of course, he did a lot more than that. He did it not out of job responsibility, but because he wanted to be nice. People at Sutherland store were expected to serve the customers, yet they were too lazy even to greet the customers. There seems so much negativity going around there. I am not sure if it is because people don’t want to be nice or they don’t care.

I told my daughter a good customer service was very important in making somebody’s day. At my work place I treat everybody, colleagues, auditors, monitors, and PM as customers and exhibit good customer service to all who deserve it. It really doesn’t take much. All you need is being nice to people you meet at work or everywhere. And that’s one of the ways for you to feel good.

P.S. the experience at Sutherland reminds me so much of the old socialist state where customer satisfaction was never the priority. Funny witness the same thing here in capitalist state, as if history repeats itself in another land.

One of my colleagues asked me again for my weblog. I told that person “My writings are more on parenting which is a boring topic to you.” And no again, but will be yes when the third time comes.

My children once asked me why I did not write in Chinese. Fancy asking this. “So that both of you can read it,” was my answer. “It will be an incentive for me to read it if you write in Chinese,” I was told of this. I do believe they will read the Chinese blogs, don’t I?

As I didn’t want to dampen any upbeat enthusiasm that the child might have at the moment, I promised to post some Chinese occasionally. Here’s part of an email sent to me from a friend of mine. Part of the difficulties of posting in Chinese is that I have not made it possible to posting in Chinese.

As the quote sounds a bit mawkishly corny and sweet, I will simply extract the main idea of the quote. That idea is, if you can be nicer with someone, don’t be just nice. Be nicer than nice. If you can be together with someone, don’t separate lightly, well, unless both agree to be together.

This year’s Nobel economics prize goes to Elinor Ostrom and another American economist, the first time that a woman is thus awarded. This brought up an interesting fact about the history of Nobel Prize, that is, a question that many people have tried to answer — why we don’t have a Nobel Prize in mathematics so far.

There have been some explanations for this question, many of them are romantic in nature regarding the founder of the prize, Alfred Nobel. A look at the history of prize in economics will invalidate any explanation of this kind.

So far we have Nobel in Peace, Physics, Chemistry, Physiology or Medicine, Literature, and Economics. Award to economists started only in 1969, not one of the five Nobel Prizes established by the will of Alfred Nobel in 1895. This is to say a prize in mathematics or in any field is always a possibility if a mathematician has prove him/herself worthy of it.

One step forward, isn’t it not too far from truth if people can always come up with some explanations when they have not convinced the world with their achievements as economists did in 1969?

For me I know it is always tougher to blame ourselves than blaming others.

This is an email that I wrote to a friend of mine on 10/8/2009.
“What you describe in your email — ‘the fact that I have full control of the way things go around here, (including my pace, and happiness) which has made my life much less complicated and stressful!’ – reminds me of a definition of happiness that I learned back in graduate school. That is, happiness means the maximum of control over one’s life. The more control you have over your life, the happier you are.

Based on this definition, I cannot say I am as happy as I want to be when I would rather do something else but I do not have other choice or I would rather spend my time on what I enjoy, which is not what I am doing right now. But It is up to me to reconcile, compromise and make life easy for myself. It is up to me to make sense of and give meaning to my daily experience. If I cannot control factors outside me, I can at least control the way I think, which holds the key to my happiness.

If anything, you might find me often talk on a higher level. That is because I think a lot, but I make this clear to myself that I am responsible for making myself happy. If I am not, I don’t blame anyone else but myself. This may be called taking control of our lives, thought and action.

I have talked too much for this cloudy day and hope our minds are bright and sunny, regardless of clouds outside.”