I have found this issue rather deep-rooted in psyche of some Chinese parents — the tendency to talk negatively about their own children in front of their friends. I pointed it out before to the other responsible adult in the family, but it cropped out again during yesterday’s gathering with friends. I tried to make him stop, to no avail. This morning, while the children were still sleeping upstairs, I reminded him again of not bad-mouthing the children to others, either in front of the children or behind their backs. Find something else to talk about.

It is not because our children are so great and flawless that we have nothing bad to say about them. Nor is it because we should try to cover up their flaws. The bottom line is respect. Children are individuals, no matter how small they are, deserving no less respect than us adults. It is not fair to them if we treat them like pets, as if they cannot understand or do not care what others say or think about them. It is sometimes frustrating to me that some people simply don’t get this point.

In Chinese language, there is a rather self-depreciating way of referring to one’s own son — quan zi. I even feel uncomfortable translating it into English, but I have to.  It means “son of a dog.” How I dislike it!  

Don’t take it as these people are really playing down themselves by using the phrase quan zi. They just try to be modest. Or rather, they think they are supposed to be modest and thus act out modesty. Either way, I am fed up with the inconsistency between what is modestly said and what is thought inside. Well, I found myself in a not-so-nice mood when it comes to inconsistency.

Back to my topic, sometimes the need to keep a modest appearance might overwork itself when some Chinese parents feel the urge to belittle their children in front of their friends. Such a heavy topic on this sunny winter Sunday.

When I was in China, I read about and heard people complaining of corruptions, pollutions, and illegal practices in China. I chatted with a young man, who might be representative of his generation. He has very much idealized American society.

To be sure, corruptions and illegal practices are rampant everywhere without exceptions. The difference lies in the degree or scale as well as in people’s attitude toward it.  Most of Americans believe America is a democractic society, with elected government, simply because there is one more dominant party than in China, while not most of Chinese share the same belief regarding China, when in fact, both societies are minority-dominated, with money playing more role in America than in China.

While Chinese are more likely to see their own corruptions, Americans are good at finding wrongs in other countries, thus sending troops out in the name of correcting the perceived wrongs.  Chinese are more reflective and self-critical while the same qualities are very much lacking in America.

America is the land of opportunities to all who are willing to make sincere efforts, while China, with colossal population, is the land of intense competition and limited opportunities.  While law and order prevail in America, money, relationship, and connections work better in China. China still has a long way to go before law prevails, if that’s the desire of the majority.

A longtime friend of mine shared with me an article about Michelangelo Antonioni, an Italian filmmaker who made a documentary film called China in 1972. The film was realistically shot without any obvious personal bias, nor any cave-in or compromise to either west or east. It is now an excellent, rare-of-a-kind record of life at that historic moment of China. The true Antonioni fashion also feasts the viewers’ eyes with rich landscapes in various parts of China before China headed for full-blown modernization drives. The film was subsequently severely denounced in an 18-page article called “A Vicious Motive-Despicable Tricks-A Criticism of Antonioni’s China Film ‘China’” published by an official publisher Foreign Language Press in Beijing in 1974.

I would think the film was condemned because it ran against the policy at that time, that is, media should work as a propaganda for lauding China to outsiders. Anything negative should not go public.

I hope my children will remember this — Truth is like the rock buried in the midst of a roaring sea. When surrounding water subsides, the rock is revealed, standing the test of time and tide. So is it for Antonioni’s China, so be it for any truth.