Today I Learn… I make a point of learning something new everyday. This is what I learn each day

1, Mar 24, 2018

Don’t make your child a victim of your expectations

Filed under: Parenting 2018 — admin @ 9:28 pm

“I expect you to pass all the courses this semester. I won’t accept any fail.” Recently I heard this from one parent. This reminds me of so many times when parents tell their children, “I expect you to …” I myself was not free from this until my daughter was in high school.

First of all, in the long run, it will benefit children more if parents encourage children to have their own expectations of themselves. Instead of saying “I expect you to,” parents encourage children to think this way.
—“What do you expect to get this semester?”
—“What do you expect to accomplish this year?”
—“What do you want to do with your life?”

By shifting emphasis to children, parents are saying to them, “You own yourself an expectation. What really matters is your expectation of you and not mine. What is it that you want to become?” Of course, by the time you say all this, children already internalize your expectations.

Secondly, it would be nice if parental expectation coincides with that of children’s. Otherwise, it will be too burdensome and unfair to the children that they carry on their lives trying to live up to parents’ expectations, as if they didn’t have their own.

Make no mistake. Parents’ expectations are important since they support children financially. But if parents insist on their expectations all the time, regardless of children’s interests, dreams and even children’s resistance, parents are trying to make their children victims of their expectations. Nothing less than this.

A sensible alternative to always telling children what you expect is to encourage and consider what the child expects of himself.

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