Work becomes more and more irrelevant, a rough week for me…


It’s not been a pleasant week for me. But by Friday, when I attended a zoom meeting at work, I was more upset than before. Our workplace sends people to attend this or that conferences either in Hawaii or San Francisco or Chicago or some other more scenic place. I don’t know why I have never been given an opportunity to attend any of them, even though other colleagues doing the same job have been to more than one conferences. I simply don’t understand why. I mean I can present papers, high quality ones, at these conferences, better than the majority of them. They know this. They have read what I have written and have paid enough insincere lip services. I feel like they deliberately shut me out of it.

This morning when the same topic was presented and when I saw other people going here and there. I couldn’t remain silent any more. So I wrote to the meeting host via private chat, asking her why. She said she would relate the question to K, the top one in our department. I told her not to, because I would rather tell K myself, even though I’m sure she will report to K everything.

I wrote to K, “The reason I keep writing to you is I believe in telling the truth. Why don’t we ever have a chance of attending any of these conferences that were mentioned during this morning’s meeting?” Of course, I didn’t tell her all the truth, especially the truth about one of my colleagues’ leaving.

I expect her coming up with some explanation, that is, telling the truth as why I have been neglected in this regard. But I was disappointed when I received her email, “You can…just let [my manager] know. We try to support travel for any staff person 1) that’s been with clinical trials (CCP and ACP) organization for at least one year and 2) is in good performance standing (i.e. is not on a performance improvement plan). Have you let [my manager] know you are interested in attending a conference?”

I don’t know what to say. My manager never cares and never mentions any of these conferences at all! I was very very upset. I know I shouldn’t care. The fact is I feel more and more irrelevant at work. Still, I wrote back to her politely, “Thank you for getting back to me. Have a nice day.”

People are limited in terms of their ability to think beyond their own interests. I have found many people around me feel irrelevant at work, which explains why we have such a high employee turnover rate. It’s beyond my pay range to worry about this. I only record one of my experiences there.

By the way, one of my colleagues just had an interview this afternoon. I know she will leave soon. No wonder. I even have prepared a goodbye card for her.

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