Life seems upside down right after I got back from last month’s trip to my daughter’s college. Nothing makes sense now. Day and night, I keep asking why and knows no answer.
I miss my daughter everywhere I go at home as everything reminds me of her.
I miss her when I open the door and see her books and pens laying on the stairs.
I miss her more when she used to call mom as soon as she heard me entering the door.
I miss her when I open refrigerator and see the foods that she likes and I bought just for her.
I miss her when I see her table where she used to sit and now the table is still there but not her.
I miss her when I go to bathroom and see her stuffs there and think of the time when we had endless laughing.
I miss her when I go to laundry room and see her clothes left there.
I miss her when I get her Time magazine from the mail. Now it’s dreadful taking up her magazine.
I miss her when I take her clothes to her room and I can still vividly see her lying in bed or sitting among her stuffs, like before.
I miss her when I sit by dinner table and remember how she prepared her food. Now food tastes tasteless and hard to swallow when she is not sitting in her chair.
I miss her when I think of checking library on-hold books, as if it makes no sense for me to go to library now that she is not around. I am sure I will not go to bookstore any more.
Everything, everywhere, no matter where I turn, there is no escape, the teacup she used, apples and apple cakes that she made, the fish oil that she took, the nuts she ate, the flowers she loved, the stones we carried together in our backyard…
I miss her when I drive the car and think of the numerous times when we drove out together.
I miss her and even dare not go out walking because I cannot bear the thought when, only last week, we went out early in the morning and now she is 1,400 miles away.
I wish her doing well in her new environment. I hope she is not homesick.
For me, I hope time will heal me, just as it did when my son first left home 6 years ago.