During the MLK long weekend, a friend of mine called and we chatted for a while. After that, I kept thinking of what she said about her attitude toward her daughter. She told me they adopted this Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy at home in regard to her daughter. If the daughter doesn’t tell her something, she does not ask.
For example, her daughter, who can drive, once said she would go to library and didn’t come back until after 10 PM. My friend didn’t ask where her daughter went, even though she knew the library closed at 9 PM.
“If I don’t ask, everybody goes his own business and peace prevails. If I ask her, there must be unpleasant encounter and that makes everybody unhappy.”
I think it sad this way. I would not allow this with my children as I firmly believe keeping an open communication is the key to better understanding and a good relationship between parents and their children.
By the way, when I told my daughter this on 1/22 while we were at the doctor’s office, she said “Auntie…is wise in doing this.” She might be right, though it is quite a different view from mine!