One of the ways of dealing with conflict that we learned is avoidance. This is part of the workshop that I had on 9/21/2010. I had not planned to write on this topic before, but something happened on that evening that made up my mind. Because I want my children to be free from this mode of behavior.
Life is full of conflicts and unpleasant encounters of diverse forms. You have to pick your fight, the one that is worth putting effort or running the risk of creating ill feelings. It would be an extreme waste of time and energy to split hairs over insignificant issues.
A typical example of splitting hairs.
“You did it. I remember it.” A said, over a very trifle matter.
“No, I have never done it. You remember it wrong,” B insisted and came up with some explanation.
“Yes, I remember clearly you did it the other day.” A raised the voice.
“OK, it’s so trivial. I don’t want to argue about it any more,” B gave up in disgust.
“I am not arguing with you. I just want to find out the truth. And the truth is you are wrong. You have done it.” A returned.
“Does it matter that much that I am wrong and you are right over this trivial? OK, you are right and I am wrong. I don’t care whatever and I don’t want to say anything anymore.” B’s last word on this.
“Yes, it does matter and you are wrong, whether or not you care. You have to admit you have done it…” A continued endlessly because A desperately wants two things (1) B is wrong (2) A must have the last word, as if that were the most important thing in A’s life.
This is the type of conflict that we should avoid at any cost.