I remember once he threw into a huge temper while talking to his mother over the Internet, so mad was he that he smashed his laptop. Luckily the machine was still within its warranty period and he was able to get an exchange for the damage. Both of my children was astonished over his sudden outburst. I asked his mother for the reason of his madness. “I didn’t say anything. I just asked him to study hard.”

Later, the young man told me, “I was studying hard when she asked me to study.” I might never know exactly what happened between them. But I can understand why his mother asked him to study. When she saw his son did not make as much progress as he was expected, she might assume that her son did not study hard enough. The young man was mad because he believed he had already worked hard enough.

I believe the young man was not happy with himself when he had repeatedly failed at TOEFL even if he believed he had already made great efforts. His mother’s words only made things worse. I often think about this incident. If a child is already feeling bad about himself, what a parent should say in this case? Should we say something to make him feel worse or ask the child to open up and tell us what he thinks? Or should we tell the child it is okay to fail as long as he does not stop trying? I don’t think it okay to fail, thus I don’t want to lie to the children.

Honestly, I don’t have answer, but I know I would keep quiet if I don’t have anything positive to say to the child. A tough question and a tough task.