Today I Learn… I make a point of learning something new everyday. This is what I learn each day

1, Dec 26, 2009

Fear and Irrational Parenting

Filed under: Parenting 101 — admin @ 12:55 am

An acquaintance of mine, having moved out of this area, once said that she would not want her son to go out of the state for college, more for fear of losing him. This reminds me of my aunt who makes sure the both of her sons settle in the same town as she does.

I have seen too many cases where parents try to keep their children close by, shielding them under the wings of a huge hen, mostly out of fear — the fear of children being on their own or of children not coming back any more once letting them fly too far, or of children getting into a wrong group which will lead them to a wrong path.

Here’s another extreme case of dependence from an acquaintance of mine. She is already in her late 50s. Her mother in her 80s still lives with her, serves her, and be her company. So much of lack of independence at this stage of life, she provides a classic example of its kind and the consequence of a failed parenting.

To be sure, these fears are as powerful as they are irrational and detrimental, to the point that they never fear that their children will never grow up and be independent. For some time, I am not sure if these parents start out for their own benefit or for that of their children. I would like to think better of these parents.

Alas, parenting involves so much in terms of love, reason, and honest self-reflection, honest with the children and with themselves.

P.S. A family of four came over last night against the snowy day.

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