Today I Learn… I make a point of learning something new everyday. This is what I learn each day

1, Oct 4, 2009

Love and the Danger of Over-Mothering

Filed under: Mother — admin @ 12:30 am

One can understand mothering as acting as mother, giving tender, loving and nurturing care to the child by someone in the role of mother. This someone can be either mom or dad. One would assume one would not go wrong, at least not too far wrong, as long as one acts out of love. Wrong assumption.

As with everything that is supposedly to be good or out of good intention, it definitely goes to its opposite if one overdoes it. And even if one believes one acts out of genuine maternal love, one should realize that it takes some grain of wisdom to bring about desirable result, regardless of one’s initial intention.

Here are the damages brought upon by over-mothering or mothering without the support of adequate wisdom. I see too many examples of over-mothering and think it necessary to dedicate a posting on this topic.

(1) Do as much as one can for the children even if the children can do it, depriving children the opportunities to learn and do by themselve. A child can never develop into a strong and capable adult if he/she is protected like a little chick, always under the wing of the hen.

(2) Show over-concern and over-attention when assigning a task to a child. Such over-concern reveals more distrust than anything else, deflating whatever self-confidence that child might have in the first place.

(3) When a mother throws a strong figure, exercising control, influence and authority, or anything opposite to democratic style, the end result is a flat wimpy loser, which is the reflection of a failed parenting. So tragically true.

(4) Beyond age 3, any babying, pampering, cradling, in the name of love, serves more for mother’s psychological or emotional need for being hugged and cradled than that of the child. More than anything else, a child needs a psychologically healthy parent to grow into a normal healthy adult.

Alas, I have more than ever before realized so much is needed to be a good and wise parent and so few of them are seen in real life.

1 Comment »

  1. This is very true and I see this happening a lot even into adulthood where mothers over mother their sons (I have rarely seen this in girls over a certain age which can probably be attributed to girls severing ties with their mothers in teenhood).

    A person can never become independent in adulthood if they have everything done for them.

    Many males I know in their early 20’s have their mothers make their beds or them, wash their clothes, pack their lunch and make their breakfast.

    This is extremely unhealthy and will go to create problems in romantic relationships, especially when living with a woman or having children. The male will be inept and be unable to perform normal tasks, which he will expect his wife to do for him. This creates stress and overwork for the woman.

    Comment by Luisa — 1, Mar 1, 2011 @ 10:25 pm

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