This is again from Parents Magazine that I read on Saturday. The article, “Girls’ Night Out,” reminds me of what one co-worker went through one night with some of her girl friends. Drinking beer and smoking cigarette are the indispensable ingredients of social life like this. This co-worker even ended up spending the rest of the night at jail for driving under the influence. A friend of mine told me of her child coming back from high school parties with face red as blood, smelling like a Dionysus.

No wonder a parent of a teen girl that I know of is very dreadful of sending her daughter to public school. I learned from my son that it is as easy to pick up weed or crack at his school as picking up cigarette. Neither is good. What did I learn? If this is what actually happens during these girls’ night out, I am afraid this girls’ night fun is nothing less than parents’ nightmare. I sincerely hope this is but an exception.

I knew how important a child’s self-esteem is and I have read a lot on this topic, still I would not let go any writing on this, trying to find something new. Before I started reading the article Secrets of Confident Kids, I already felt guilty upon reading its subtitle “To build your child’s self-esteem, you need to say less and say less and let him do more.” I did just the opposite — non-stop talking and diligently doing. You can see how easily parenting can go wrong even with the best intention.

On how not to praise the kid, I thought I did not need to read it since I am rather stingy in giving out compliments to my children. I am just curious what the author has to say on this. When the child is praised more than he deserves, that child is so conditioned that he expects praise for everything that he does, even at the time when he does not deserve it. The advice from the author is “Don’t praise your child if he does something that he is supposed to do.” A simple thankyou is sufficient. If you feel a strong urge to praise, offer specific feedback on exactly where is good and worthes praise. Sometimes, smothering maternal love, in the form of excessive praise, is more damaging to the child than without. I am thinking of some parents when I write this line. Again, good intention can turn out being the opposite.

More later.