Yesterday I talked to my relatives in China over the phone. When I mentioned my criticism of American culture, she told me, “When you are experiencing that culture, you are more likely to see the dark side of it. You will be able to appreciate the bright side when you are out of it.” So rightly said! I was told children in China and in America experience the two extremes — extremely busy in China while just the opposite here in America, the most heated competition in school in China while the least here.

To be fair, children are a lot more respected as individuals in America than in China. I learned that some Chinese teachers make improper judgements of the students on their class weblogs, commenting some are smart or not so smart without being anonymous. Corporal punishment is still practiced in some parts of Chinese schools, where the belief “Spare the rod, spoil the child” is widely held true. Those teachers have no idea what defamation or libel means.

Parents often act so naturally in a disrespectful manner. e.g. at gathering with friends, instead of talking with the children, many Chinese enjoy talking about them right in front of them. Ouch, it hurts, that is, hurt their self-respect. Some parents even cannot understand how it can hurt the children.

To be sure, Chinese parents on the average devote more time, energy and money to the welfare and education of their youngsters, the level of this devotion is not matched among American parents. It is normal for a Chinese kid to have more than two extra-curriculum activities. Imagine the cost of all the educational investment.

Yet, this level of devotion is not good all the time. Some Chinese parents view their children more as their private property than individual human beings with their own wills, to the extent that the parents make decisions for the children without even consulting the children.

An example is given by one of the relatives coming to our house. The boy was 23 years old when his parents and his uncle decided that he came to study here. This results in a marked missing of responsibility and independence on the part of the children, well, adult children, enjoying a prolonged childhood into 20s or even 30s.

The world would be really bright if we can magically combine the strengths of the two cultures.