Indeed, nobody likes to be pointed out his/her mistakes or weakness.  A child who specially cares about face-saving specially dislikes criticism, especially after the child has been adored 99% of times in the past.  Yet, I find it hard to extend compliments when I see much room for improvement, that is, truth must be told without diluting it with praise.

Yestoday I gave my nephew a task — to make a list of his strength and the areas where he thinks he needs to improve.  He asked me, “Do you want me to write about my weaknesses?” I knew he was over-sensitive over the word weaknesses so I don’t want him to get defensive upon this word.  I made my point clear to him.  “I never say the word weakness. I think we all need to improve ourvelves, including me. Don’t you think so?  This is what I want you to write, if you want to be a better person.”  “What do you mean, auntie?  Do you mean I am not a better person now?” he asked.

“You know what kind of person you are.  I just want you to get better than you are now. You can write it if that’s what you want.  It is up to you.  Your sister also must write one.”  Finally he agreed to work on this task.  I was hoping of finding a way for him to know himself instead of being always told of this.

He completed the task in no time. At first he covered it up and would not let me read it. I said, “Ok, you can keep it to yourself. I will just read your sister’s.” Then he offered to let me read. Next he kept pressing me to judge whose writing is better.  I would be too naive to fall for it. “They are different, no good or bad,” I told him.

It is not my intention to challenge the validity of their writings. They are true as long as they believe so. As for me, they serve as a historical reference for their own evaluation at this point of their lives.  If I remember it, I will ask him to make another one in one year. Very interesting indeed!