Writing has been used as a wonderful means of communication between my children and I when both or either one of us need time to calm down. I have found it especially instrumental in dealing with children growing up in a culture where shouting and yelling, violence and fighting are so rampantly aired on TV.

To be sure, things were not rosy before that. Both of my children have their temper, which can be hot and destructive if ill-handled.  I cannot guarantee myself to be level-headed all the time. At some point, I have realized that when the child’s fire of anger is scorchingly hot,  as a  parent, the worst thing I can do is to pour gas on the fire, making the burning last longer and hot. You think you talk louder, mine louder than yours.  I have witnessed this too many times. I do not want fire to go out of the roof, so I started using writing.

I wrote to them when I was too upset to trust my own voice. Instead of timeout, I asked them to write down what happened and what punishment they should get if it happened again. I also ask my children to write down any of their promises, New York Resolutions, summer plans, or any action plans that they talk about.

Of course, in the process they learned how to express themselve in writing, which was a windfall in our anger management efforts.  Writing is a wonderful tool.  Right now, I write much more often than before, mainly because I am tired of talking when I don’t have an audience who is ready and willing to listen.